Hello! I never thought I would ever be in such a situation. Long story short – it turns out that I still haven’t forgotten my ex, no matter how I try. And the story is like from the Sex/Life series, except that I don’t have the perfect man and children yet. I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost four years, we experienced a lot together. We had an inhumanly strong bond, but if things had been so perfect, I probably wouldn’t be writing here now.
End of toxic relationship
Along with deep conversations, good sex and spontaneous adventures, there was constant manipulation and abnormal jealousy. It seems that I was in a relationship with a complete sociopath, I never knew in what mood he would wake up in the morning. During the last years of our friendship, all my friends kept telling me to dump him as soon as possible.
That is what happened in the end. The breakup was far from peaceful – we got very angr, we said terrible things to each other, but it felt like I was doing the right thing. I remember that time with complete relief. And I recovered immediately – my friends said that I had become myself again.
It was very easy because everything I felt against this person was anger. I would like to end this story like that, but oh well.
All I can think of is my ex
About a year after the divorce, I accidentally met him. I don’t know what happened to me, but it seemed that the ground under my feet was starting to sway. Cold sweat began to fall from my back, my heart raced like hell, and my hands trembled. We exchanged a few words from the series “hello, how are you?” Everything went its way, but then it took me half a day to recover.
I realized that the strong anger I had felt for him for so long had evaporated somewhere. When I woke up from a very long sleep, I began to remember everything but the bad things he had done to me.
Well, and then it started… I should probably mention that I didn’t have a regular partner at that time, and I wasn’t particularly happy about having sex with random partners without any emotional connection. I didn’t even notice how my ex appeared more and more in my fantasies.
When I returned home after this short meeting, I was masturbating, and his brown eyes came to mind. Damn it! I’m not surprised why I fell in love with them so much these four years.
At first I tried to replace his face with something else in my head, but I failed. I just gave up later because it was too good. In short, I will not say how many times I have thought of him when I did it with another man or masturbated. The biggest problem is that this is the only way I can get an orgasm.
I am angry with myself because I know I don’t ever want to return to a relationship with him, but I guess that I will forever remember our good sex and great chemistry.
I constantly imagine his strong hands and the smell of his body. I remember all the places we have had sex, and they are not just the bedroom.
All these four years, even when we were very angry at each other, we had no problems in bed. For the sake of clarity, it was normal to have sex in the nightclub toilet, and his hands under my skirt in the cinema were a completely normal phenomenon.
Maybe I should meet him?
It’s been about half a year now, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious circle. I don’t build new relationship, I constantly fantasize about my ex, but I know I wouldn’t want to go back to him either. Sometimes I really want to just write to him and meet him. I have no doubt that he would even agree, but I know it would be totally foolish – I haven’t forgotten why we broke up.
Honestly, I don’t know how long I will be this way. The saddest thing is that I can’t even tell my friends these things because I know clearly how stupid it is. I don’t know what to do, I’m writing here waiting for some enlightenment to come. A rational look at all this situation is brutally necessary.
Solution: Meeting with your ex will only make the situation worse
The American sexologist and therapist Dona Michael in Bustle’s article “Do you fantasize about your ex” explains the following: “When you have sex with someone, your body will always remember how you felt at that time. It can be great material to remember and there is nothing wrong with it, ”says Dona Michael.
“If you’re having a hard time forgetting that good experience, it doesn’t mean you’re still not completely over him or longing to end the relationship.”
According to the sexologist, you should worry only when fantasies about your ex are the only thing that turns you on and it becomes uncontrollable. In this case, she suggests replacing your fantasies with something else. No matter how bad you want it, you shouldn’t meet your ex – it will only make matters worse. Block him on social media, delete his number and spend more time with yourself – building new relationships will speed up the process of forgetting.