Jokes

What words do I say most often during sex? You will not believe: – Murmur, out of bed!

The prince kissed the sleeping beauty, but she turned to the side with the words “Five more minutes” and pulled the blanket over her head.

The wife comes in to the neighbor and says, “My man is no longer sleeping with me, he somehow avoids sex, what should I do?”

The neighbor thought, “When a man comes from work, meet him in the bedroom, for example, naked and on all fours with the bottom to the door, he will definitely climb on top of you and then you will have sex.”

I always wonder about people who go home from work to have lunch. How do their nerves withstand going to work twice a day?

Wife to husband:
– When will you be home?

Husband to wife:
– When you finally remember that on Fridays I come home on Saturday

He gave her a scales for her birthday, she gave him a ruler

Father of a small son:
– The stork will bring you a little brother!
“I don’t understand you, Dad, so many women, but you’re going to fuck those storks.”

– Honey, is it true that bunnies are the stupidest animals?
– Yes, my bunny.

– Hello Darling! I’m in the sauna. Everything here is exactly as you always say: no women, just old men.

Conversation between two wives:
-Do you know what could be worse than a man who doesn’t come home on time?
-What?
-Husband who arrives untimely…

Late at night, tired, the husband reappears. Wife screams:
– Where were you?
“Dear, you are a wise woman to me,” says the man, “come up with something yourself.”

A man will run into the police station:

– Please arrest me, I’ll hit my wife!

– Is she dead?

– No, not even a scratch.

– Then nothing special.  You can go!

– Not for nothing, she’s right outside the door!

The man comes home in the evening, cursing loudly and rudely.
Wife:
– What happened?
– Ben Laden is a fool!
– Dear, do not get nervous. Tell us what happened!
– I come to work, there is an envelope on the table. I open – and there’s white powder …
Wife in horror:
– Anthrax?
– No, std’s!

– You know, since we got to know each other, I can’t eat, drink, drink or smoke …
– What, are you so caught up in me?
– Well no, just the money ran out.

The wife returns home and tells her husband:
– I was just at a cat show. Everyone was so beautiful there! Of course, I love our Murīte, but compared to others, he is a complete freak.
– How I understand you. While you were at the exhibition, the Miss World competition was shown on TV…

Wife asks:
-How much do you weigh?
– 60 kilograms and something a little more!
– And how many hundreds do this a little more weigh?

A husband sleeps on a death bed, dies, and says to his wife:

– I want to tell you the whole truth before I die: I slept with your mother and sister.

“I know, darling, that’s why I poisoned you.”

-The doctor enters the ward and hears that a patient with a high temperature is telling his wife, who is sitting by his bed:
-You my beautiful, you my wise, you my treasure, my beloved, the most beautiful in the world!
The doctor contacts the patient’s wife:
-And long ago he started to rave?