Sometimes the hardest thing for porn stars may not be sex in front of the camera, but how to tell your family about your occupation. Or, what to do when parents have found a video of their son or daughter? How to reveal to relatives that your occupation is pornography?
The pornography industry, like everything else, is constantly changing. There are sites like Lustery and MakeLoveNotPorn that host amateur couple sex videos to prove that porn can be real and intimate. Directors like Erika Lust try to uncover the artistic side of pornography in their work, but it must be admitted that this topic is not acceptable to everyone.
Here are the confession stories of the five porn stars – how they revealed their family members to their occupation and how they reacted.
Andre: “Mom cried a lot and said it was dangerous”
When I confessed to my family during my studies that I made money from sex, I got a pretty predictable reaction. My younger sister supported me and other family members ignored it or openly disgusted me. I also admitted that I was homosexual and against monogamy; some family members said it was just a “stage” or “temporary form of rebellion.” My mom cried a lot and said it was dangerous, although she never mentioned why.
I remember when, a few years later, at my home in California, 4,800 miles from my family, I felt a real blessing. I had already starred in more than one porn movie and thought my mom had come to terms with my profession, so I decided to call her. I told her I was doing great, I was happy and I had met people working in the porn industry who, like me, were actively fighting for human rights. I also told her that I made a lot of money and I was proud of myself.
I wanted her to be proud of me too. Efforts to prove that I am worthy of her dignity and favor to have been in vain, so in 2017 I severed ties with my family. And it was the best decision of my life. In fact, I am very sorry that I did not do it before. Now I feel obliged to help other pornography participants who have a similar relationship with their families.
Paulita: “You never know how other people will react”
10 years ago, I first starred in pornography, but now I work as a porn producer – I’ve heard thousands of confessions in my career! When someone asks me what I’m doing, I boldly answer, “Porn!” I like living in Berlin because people here tend to respond positively. Everything makes them curious, and that’s fine.
Sex is increasingly being discussed in public, but you never know how the other will react – the situation needs to be assessed well. No matter how you usually look at it, a porn actor’s career is not “normal”, so it’s understandable that people often react childishly.
Confessing to my mother was one of the hardest things in my life. We love each other very much, so her initial reaction was painful for both her and me. We have been talking about this a lot lately. She has come to terms with my decisions, is constantly asking questions, and sometimes we just cry in each other’s arms. Mom didn’t want to miss the premiere of my last movie. Although I told her it was porn, she replied, “Great! I’m already a big girl. “
Enby Jupiter: “The younger brother just shrugged and said ‘cool’, but his mother had a lot of questions.”
I started earning sex when I was eighteen. Given that I am homosexual, disabled, and mentally ill, it seemed to me at the time the best way to make money, stay independent, and express myself artistically. I enjoyed the work and the pornography itself, so I plan to continue this work.
At first, I confessed to my younger brother, who just shrugged and replied, “Cool.” I probably can’t imagine a better reaction from young people. Half a year later, I also confessed to my mother. I am extremely pleased that our relationship has remained just as close, but he is still troubled by anxiety. She had many questions, but when I explained everything, she replied that she was proud of me as long as it was not prostitution. Since I can’t meet everyone’s needs, we agreed that my work would only remain online.
A couple of years later, I called Dad and only then explained the nature of my “show from the bedroom.” When he found out I was a transgender and sold my videos online – he wasn’t surprised! I was very happy. I am very lucky – the unconditional love and support of my parents allows me to take an active part in the LGBTQ movement. I believe in the future. I hope that my voice will not go unheard and that I will promote equality for workers in the pornography industry.
Mercy: “Mom said – If you’re proud of your work, I’m proud of you”
I started earning sex at the age of 18. At the club, I met two photographers who offered to take a BDSM photoshoot. I agreed to take part and I really enjoyed everything, but thinking about my naked body online, I decided to talk to my mom. In the 90’s she worked as a stripper. She is well aware that earning in this way is difficult, but at the same time, it gives her confidence in herself. Her advice was, “If you are proud of your work, I am proud of you. I support you 100%. ” It was so easy for me!
My parents divorced, and although I received support from my mother, I knew it would not be with my father. A couple of years ago, my sister found out about my activities when she accidentally found my picture online. She was shocked – she was crying and had since stopped contacting me. Dad started threatening me. He did not realize that he was asking me to resign from my 6-year career, offering neither help nor support in return.
Dad later admitted that he did not support my actions. When we last spoke, I told him that if he couldn’t accept me, he would forget that I existed. He seems to have chosen this option.
Siri: “I ended my career early because my parents’ reaction broke me”
I lied to my family about why I moved to Los Angeles. I wanted to confess to them as soon as I became popular. I ended my career at an early stage, and my parents’ reaction shocked me – they said I was mentally unstable and kind of dead to them.
It was a few years since I had a professional career, but my connection with my family gradually disappeared. They became the reason I left pornography – my relationship with my parents was much more important to me. I have not worked in this field for four years, but they are still unable to come to terms with my past. This stigma accompanies me in other areas of life as well – looking for a job, going on a date, and getting a direct response (even visiting doctors).
In my opinion, working in the pornography sector should be recognized as real work. Those who work in this field are worthy of the support, love, and understanding of their loved ones. I think the past doesn’t bother me and I can live normal enough. Out of curiosity, people around me often ask questions, and I try to have a meaningful conversation. I think that such discussions only promote people’s self-confidence, understanding, and a safe environment for pornography workers.