Having sex with your ex can sometimes seem like a great idea – you’ve already developed intimacy, you know each other’s bodies, not to mention the past that binds you together. You have experienced so much together. But at the same time, it can also be a bad idea.
In a study conducted in 2018, it was revealed that 27% of respondents had slept with their ex. And while many would say that’s a really bad idea, it’s not. Sometimes it can even be a very good idea. You just have to be ready for outbursts of emotions, possible problems and questions, because they will certainly arise. It can help heal the scars of the past, but sex with an ex isn’t completely innocent.
Seven facts about sex with your ex that no one tells you:
POSITIVE: Idealization
When a relationship ends, we often idealize our former partner. This is where human selective memory comes in, which prevents us from seeing the truth. When enough time passes, we almost automatically idealize the past: both past relationships and partners. But having sex with your ex can help you get over it and come back to reality.
Sometimes we let past relationships hold us back from future relationships and happiness. When this happens, in retrospect, we can see that we actually idealized this relationship. Although it may not seem entirely clear at the time, it will likely remind you of why you broke up in the first place.
NEGATIVE: Denial
If you’re still thinking about your ex and feeling warm towards him, hoping that you’ll be able to start a relationship again, then having sex with him is a really bad idea. If you’re hoping that sex will bring you back to him, it’s just a vain hope. There is a good chance that the problems that led to your breakup were not about sex.
POSITIVE: Safety
As much as people want to escape from reality, sex with an ex can provide a sense of security that a one-night stand can’t. Sleeping with your ex gives you security and comfort.
NEGATIVE: Desire for the familiar
When a relationship ends, it’s usually for a very good reason, because happy relationships don’t just fade away. After a breakup, you have to move on, no matter how painful it is. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll fall back into the same behavior patterns you had before, which will make it harder to move forward.
POSITIVE: Orgasm
With dating comes knowledge, and with knowledge comes… good sex. It comes down to one simple thing: practice. When you know someone both emotionally and physically, you are more likely to have an orgasm because you are more relaxed. You are with someone who knows where the key to your passion lies, how to talk to you and what to do to turn you on.
But you have to understand the difference between good sex and love. As long as it’s just sex, it’s fine. However, this will only work until you start wishing you were back together. If you think that a couple of orgasms will lead you to a new and better relationship with your ex – it won’t happen.
NEGATIVE: Problems with self-confidence
It is very important to understand that having sex with your ex can lead you back into the same emotional hole you just got out of. If you think of sex as one thing and your ex thinks it’s something else, it will do you both more harm than good. Although sex may seem like an innocent thought at first, over time your ex may find someone else and you’ll be single again.
POSITIVE: Conclusion
Sex with your ex can help you complete what you couldn’t before. Sometimes we idealize our ex because we have not found a replacement for him/her or because we are not yet ready for a new relationship. It’s very easy to idealize your ex romantically at times like these. Having sex with your ex can help you understand why you chose to break up.
It’s also important to realize that being in a relationship with your ex right now is definitely not a good idea, but it’s even more important to realize that having sex with your ex won’t make your future brighter.
It’s important that it’s just sex. Don’t get your hopes up. You can’t do it forever either, because it will just become a routine. Such a scenario will prevent you from searching for new happiness. Unless, of course, sex is all you want in life. It is entirely up to you.