Great dates, lots of laughter, a strong emotional connection, but something is wrong with the bed. In a survey conducted 5 years ago, half of the women surveyed said that bad sex meant the end of a relationship. 44% of men agreed that in this case, they do not see a future in the relationship. But does bad sex really mean a strong “no” in a relationship? Not at all! There are several ways to solve this problem.
Where is the problem ?
The reasons can be different. Maybe one partner has experienced more than the other, or one has fetishes that are not acceptable to the other. Sometimes we just assume that the current sex partner will enjoy the same sex as the previous one. It is also possible that one of the partners has sexual dysfunction or pain during intercourse. Unfortunately, sometimes we can be just sexually incompatible, and it’s not always possible to change that.
Conversation is important
Sex therapist Tiffanie L. Davis Henry emphasizes that if a partner fails to talk about their sexual needs as an adult, then the person should not sleep at all. When a potential long-term partner appears, we need to start talking about our sexual needs and priorities as early as possible. To make this conversation as positive as possible, turn it into a game that will not only get to know each other’s sexuality better but will also be a great time. 70 sex questions to ask your partner will undoubtedly be a good start to erotic conversations. Take a look here too – 30 spicy questions about and around sex to ask your husband.
Tips for conversation:
- Don’t talk about bed problems in the bedroom. It is better to do it in a more neutral environment;
- Do not start a conversation until the problem has subsided. Talk to your partner when there are more good things to say to him / her;
- If possible, describe the problem positively: not “I really don’t like you doing…”, but “I really want you…”;
- Talking about sex does not mean filling in a book of complaints. If you are planning to say something negative, emphasize how satisfied you are with making love to this person;
- It is important that the conversation does not become an avalanche of criticism. If you have expressed the negative aspects of sex life, suggest what and how could be changed, or at least invite each other to look for solutions together.
If the problem is technique
If your partner doesn’t do what you like or doesn’t do the way you like, the conversation can be moved to the bedroom. Say what you want: “tap here”, “below”, “softer”, guide the partner with your hands, showing the movements. When the partner has done everything well, reward him with passionate moans and a thrilling “yes!”.
Teach each other patiently, because each body is like a mysterious map that takes time to explore.
If one needs more time than the other
It is not new to anyone that women need more time and effort than men to reach orgasm. If you face this problem – do not survive, because there are many solutions. It is better to choose a longer introduction so that the partner has enough time to warm up.
Stimulating the clitoris is the guarantor of women’s pleasure. So you can probably add a vibrator-like this to your sex toys to reach orgasm in a few moments.
If needs differ
Some may want sex every day, others once a month. And it’s nothing because we’re all just very different. There is a compromise so that you do not have to constantly give up on your needs. Give a partner who is more hungry for sex a toy that simply cannot be resisted.
Sex toys have become a great tool to give pleasure whenever you want. You can also play with yourself in front of your partner (if he/she agrees). It may stimulate the other’s libido and encourage him to participate.
When should I seek professional help?
If you’ve both talked and tried other ways, and your sex isn’t improving or even getting worse, it’s time to see a sex therapist who can help you solve your problems. Maybe the reasons will surprise you.
Does bad sex mean the end of a relationship?
It depends on the place of sex in your two lives. If sex is very important to both of you and everything fails no matter what you do, or maybe your partner doesn’t even want to talk about it, disappointment is guaranteed. According to medical urologist Tito Simashka: “Couples who are not sexually compatible have very little chance of staying together. Sexual compatibility is not only sex for both but also an opportunity to accept each other.