Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
– Dear, what can I bring from Italy?
– An effective remedy for what you brought me from Turkey…
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
For the first time in his life, the manager of a strict car service center decided that his subordinates had done a good job and could go home 4 hours earlier. In this way, he disrupted more than one family.
Last night I fell asleep in my son’s room. In the morning I read text messages from my husband:
1:22 – Where are you?
3:15 – Where are you, you slut…?
4:20 – Found You 🙂 Sleep tight, honey 🙂
The three most terrifying things in life:
1) to see your mother cry,
2) to see the love of your life cheat you,
3) Internet connection that is too slow.
He gave her a scales for her birthday, she gave him a ruler
The man comes home in the evening, cursing loudly and rudely.
Wife:
– What happened?
– Ben Laden is a fool!
– Dear, do not get nervous. Tell us what happened!
– I come to work, there is an envelope on the table. I open – and there’s white powder …
Wife in horror:
– Anthrax?
– No, std’s!
If you feel that you are head over heels in love, sit down, take a deep breath and think. Maybe you just want sex!