Jokes

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The wife returns home and tells her husband:
– I was just at a cat show. Everyone was so beautiful there! Of course, I love our Murīte, but compared to others, he is a complete freak.
– How I understand you. While you were at the exhibition, the Miss World competition was shown on TV…

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– I clean, wash, cook, iron, I don’t go anywhere! I feel like Cinderella!
– Sweetie, but I told you’d be with me like a fairy tale.

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– You know, since we got to know each other, I can’t eat, drink, drink or smoke …
– What, are you so caught up in me?
– Well no, just the money ran out.

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The man comes home in the evening, cursing loudly and rudely.
Wife:
– What happened?
– Ben Laden is a fool!
– Dear, do not get nervous. Tell us what happened!
– I come to work, there is an envelope on the table. I open – and there’s white powder …
Wife in horror:
– Anthrax?
– No, std’s!

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A man will run into the police station:

– Please arrest me, I’ll hit my wife!

– Is she dead?

– No, not even a scratch.

– Then nothing special.  You can go!

– Not for nothing, she’s right outside the door!

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Late at night, tired, the husband reappears. Wife screams:
– Where were you?
“Dear, you are a wise woman to me,” says the man, “come up with something yourself.”

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Conversation between two wives:
-Do you know what could be worse than a man who doesn’t come home on time?
-What?
-Husband who arrives untimely…

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A couple of Bērziņš family quarreled, and started communicated only with notes, Before going to bed Bērziņš writes a note to his wife:
-There is an important meeting for me tomorrow morning, wake me up at 7:00!
The man wakes up in the morning after dozens and next finds a note from his wife:
-It’s already 7:00, get up!

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The husband asks his wife in the morning:
-Dear, I hope you didn’t think of anything bad when I ran home with a blue eye at night?
-No, I don’t think anything bad. By the way, when you came, you didn’t have a blue eye yet.

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Wife: “What would be your first thought if you found out I slept with your best friend?”

Husband: “That you’re a lesbian.”

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Husband and wife sleep in a bed.
The wife says:
-Give dear we have sex then we will have a child.
The husband answers:
-No, I want to mix beer with vodka, I don’t want sex with you and children too.

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Spousal dispute:
– Watch out, you woke up an animal inside of me.
– What should I watch out for! I’m not afraid of mice!

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Wife to husband:

– Aren’t you even interested in why I’m crying?

– Interested, but I don’t have the money either!

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I was happy. I met my girlfriend for over a year and so we decided to get married. My parents supported me, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing that worried me pretty much, and that was my future wife. She was a businesswoman, smart, but most of all – beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me too conspicuously and made me feel uncomfortable.

One day she invited me to join us so we could check out the wedding invitations.

And so I left. She was alone, and when I arrived, whispered to me that soon I would be married, that she had passionate feelings for me and she wanted me. So before I marry and relate my life to her daughter, she would like to be with me only once to fall in love.

What could I say? I was in total shock and can’t say a word.

“So,” she said, “I’m going to the bedroom, and when you’re ready, just come and take me.” I watched her beautiful butt as she climbed the stairs. I stood for a moment, then turned and went to the exit door… I opened it and walked out of the house.

Her husband stood outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me, and said, “We are really happy and satisfied. You have passed our little test. We could not wish for a better husband for your daughter. Welcome to the family!”

Morality: Always keep condoms in your car!

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Two men meet:

– You know, I recently became impotent. It turns out the world is so much interesting .. Theaters, cinemas, exhibitions, parks…

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-What did your wife say when she found out you were sleeping with the neighbors?

-No, but those two teeth should have been pulled out a long time ago.

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A young woman knits small socks, gently says to her husband:
-Dear, you would like to hear a pair of small legs dripping around our apartment?
-No, I don’t like mice!

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2 friends:
– I decided to go back to my husband.
– Why?
“I can’t calmly watch this villain enjoy life.”

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