Jokes

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One Friday night, after a couple of champagnes 12 girls sent 12 text messages with the following text: “I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, DEAR!” and they received 12 different responses:

1.Who is writing?

2. Mom, are you sick?

3. Me too.

4.What did you do to the car?

5.I don’t understand.

6.This subscription cannot answer at the moment.

7.?

8. How much money do you need?

9. I’m already asleep, what did you want?

10. If you don’t tell who you really wanted to send this message, you can’t come home.

11. I told you not to drink so much.

12. Whatever you whant to ask, the answer is NO.

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Sally complains to Molder:

– It seems that I have a Stranger inside me.

– That is no Stranger! It’s me!

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What do a healthy dog and a short-sighted gynecologist have in common?

Both have a wet nose.

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Wife says to husband after attending a striptease show:

– It wasn’t enough that you put 50 euros behind the dancers panties, you then had to look there too!! “Honey, I was hoping to find a change there!”

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– Dear, as the doctor will tell you – this is syphilis! As your wife, I will kill you, you piece of shit!

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– What did you give to your husband for his birthday?
– Silver cigarette case with my photo inside the lid.
– He definitely liked it, didn’t he?!
I don’t really know, because he quit smoking almost immediately afterwards.

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– Why are you divorcing your husband?

– He’s cheating on me.

– That is so evil!

– Of course! He says that I do not have what he needs! Imagine?! I am perfect for every other of my lovers, but not for him!

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– Honey, did you bring the kid home from kindergarten?

– Yes.

– But this is not my child!

– The other one is not yours either!

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Husband returned home in the morning, and his wife asks:

– Why didn’t you stay home last night?!

– Madness! – the man exclaims.  -The same thing every morning for five years!

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Recently married girl calls to her mother:

– You know, Eric asks me to make him tea, but I can’t find such a thing in the cookbook!

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New wife wakes up in the morning, goes to the mirror and looks at herself. Then she looks at her sleeping husband and whisper poisonously:

– That’s what you deserve!

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– We are married only for two days, but you are already cursing on me…

-Yes, but I’ve had five husbands before you, so I know exactly when to start cursing!

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– Honey, I don’t think we need to buy a vacuum cleaner! Let’s hire a girl to clean the house!

– In that case, I recommend not saving money for air conditioning either. We can replace it with a nice guy with a fan in his hands!

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Husband and wife in bed.

– My dear!

– If I were your “dear”, you wouldn’t get with other women!

– Then you would be my “only one,” but you are “my dear”.

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Wife yells to her husband:

– You’re drunk again! I don’t understand how can you drink every day?!

Husband (angry):

– How many times do I have to tell you not to talk about things you don’t understand!

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The Frenchman says to his wife:

– You can try to look as young as you want, but remember that there must be at least 9 months between you and our daughter!

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– I heard that your daughter got married?

– Yes.

– And how about the new husband? Good?

– Good! Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t work …

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Young husband comes to work after the wedding. Colleagues asks:

Well, how was the wedding night?

– I don’t remember! I lost consciousness soon after she removed her glued lashes.

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