Jokes

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His wife washes the floor, ass in the air. The man passes but does not. The man says:

– Set aside your combine!

Well, the wife is angry, she thinks – she will take revenge for such expressions.

The evening is coming, they are both asleep. The husband is so restless, starts chirping here and there … wife angry:

– For one spike I won’t run my combine, turn against the wall and knock out by hand

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Once upon a time, there lived 3 maidens … well over the years … and all the virgins. But dictators, dictators wanted them to know for the rest of their lives what she was like in sex.

It so happened that an old man lived next door to them … just in the right years. The midwife decided he could be the right one. Bought a pole and went to talk. But the old man says – there was nothing, I’m not comfortable with one pole! One by one! And not everyone should come together, but separately. Nothing to do, agree only to be grandmothers, otherwise … will remain wanting.

The big day came and the first maiden went to the bachelor. The other two, of course, can’t stand it and go behind the door to listen. Nothing happens. Silence … silence … suddenly a terrible noise is heard … as if you were hitting someone and it would run away.

The first maiden comes out, the other two through each other demanding:

-Then nothing happened?

-It happened, everything happened …

-And what was that terrible about the noise? Is that sex then?

– It’s not already! It was after that, I jumped there.

– Behind whom did you jump ?!

-Well …. the old man put huuu-ge (huge) inside me, but he pulled out such a small one here … I wanted to shake out the part that was left in me.

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Went two Estonians abroad along the porn cinema. One of the Estonian pupils says:

– Listen, let’s go.

– Well, you! Spend money! Nor will we understand anything!

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– Grandma, I cannot speak because I am at a conference in London.
– I’m spitting! Did you take the cucumbers? Let all the jars be in place in the evening!

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Two friends talking:
– Does your wife scream during sex?
– Yes!
– At what point?
– When I sweep a member with curtains…

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Today is my wife’s birthday, so I woke her up with gentle oral sex. It was a real success that she slept with her mouth open.

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Types of orgasm:

Asthmatic: Ā … ā …

Geographical: Here, yes, here …

Mathematical: More, more!

Athletic: Faster! Even a little faster …

Research: Deeper …

Wild – A woman with her nails clings to a man’s back and growls.

Agronomic: Plug in yet!

Confirmatory: 0 yes!

Negative: 0! .. No … О! .. No …

Religious: Oh God !!!

Insane – A woman tries to break out with a scream: “JUST NOT ME !!!”

Suicidal: I’m going to die now!

Criminal: You’re killing me …

Threatening: If you stop, I’ll kill you! (check the truth of the threat, we do not recommend)

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Husband and wife watching a horror movie.
A monster appears on the screen.
The wife shouts, “Oh mommy !!!”.
The man says, “Yes, really like your milf.”

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Two Members are speaking. One says:
– I have two news, good and bad.
Second:
– Start with the bad.
The first:
– We spend so much time in the Saeima that our wives have befriended and become lesbians.
The second:
– And for good?
The first:
– You know, I like you absolutely well…

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Since it started to rain,

my friend just does it…

he is looking in the window!

Time will have to let him in.

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Sally complains to Malder:
– Malder, I seem to have a Stranger inside.
– Nothing is, ‘it’s mine!

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What do a healthy dog ​​and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

Answer:

both have a wet nose.

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In honor of the wife’s birthday, the husband orders a cake. Confectioner:
– What inscription will we make?
– Well, write at the top – you don’t get old, but at the bottom – you just get better!
At the climax, guests gather around the cake. The lid is lifted, but the inscription on the cake: At the top you don’t get old, but at the bottom you just get better!

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Herds of women come to Uncle Nicholas every day. The men of the village do not understand what he has that others do not. One day decides to find out. Defends the line, enters his uncle, sits down. Uncle Nikola is sitting in a rocking chair and swinging. One man fails and demands:

– Uncle Nikola, who in you is not all of us?
Uncle Nikola lowered his eyebrows with his tongue and determined:
– Well, there’s nothing special about me.

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The guy has intense sex with a girl. At some point he tells her:
– Why are you sleeping like a log?
Girl:
– Because you look like a woodpecker.

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There are two old men sitting. One says:
– Remember how we were given pills in the army so that women would not want to, but they did nothing to help?
– Yes!
– Only now do they seem to be taking effect! .. 9

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An 80+ man undergoes an annual doctor’s examination.
– How do we feel?
– OK good. I will soon be a father again.
– How old is your wife ?!
– (with noticeable pride in the voice) Recently 25 left! What would you say?
– I once knew a man who was very fond of hunting in different parts of the world. He once hunted somewhere in Siberia. Went out in the morning to hunt, but instead accidentally took an umbrella instead of a shotgun. Well man for years, you know. Happens. Going through the forest, watching – bear. Raise the umbrella, press the button … and what do you think?
– Did the bear tear him?
– No, the bear fell dead.
– Can not be! Then someone else will have to shot …
– That’s the whole story

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– Do you know that there are 18 thousand prostitutes in Riga?
– Just?
It turns out that I paid for the rest for free?

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