Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
– Honey, what are you wearing right now?
– Pink panties…
– Ooo … tell me more!
– 90% cotton and 10% synthetic!
– I feel dizzy before sex with a woman.
– Strange, but what do you do before having sex with a woman?
– What what? I blow her up…
Announcement in the stairwell: “Dear Ladies! Please choose your lovers from the men living in our block, the neighbors have nowhere to park their cars!”
– Hello, taxi park. The dispatcher is listening!
– Could we order 20 taxis near the sewing factory dormitories?
– 20?!! Where will you go?
– Where where? Back to the barracks!
Husband watches some video and shouts loudly:
– Don’t go there. Don’t go there you fool…
Wife asks:
– What are you watching?
Husband:
– Our wedding…
If you feel that you are head over heels in love, sit down, take a deep breath and think. Maybe you just want sex!
The three most terrifying things in life:
1) to see your mother cry,
2) to see the love of your life cheat you,
3) Internet connection that is too slow.