Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
– Dear, what can I bring from Italy?
– An effective remedy for what you brought me from Turkey…
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
– How long will you wander around to other women? We already have three children, and none of them are from you!
Father of a small son:
– The stork will bring you a little brother!
“I don’t understand you, Dad, so many women, but you’re going to fuck those storks.”
– We are married only for two days, but you are already cursing on me…
-Yes, but I’ve had five husbands before you, so I know exactly when to start cursing!
A man buys bread in a store.
Man: Is that bread fresh?
Seller: Bread is still warm!
Husband: My wife is still warm, but she’s not fresh.
Husband comes gome from work:
– Dear, what do we have for dinner?
– Me!
– But, honey, I can’t eat anything fat!
– Hello, taxi park. The dispatcher is listening!
– Could we order 20 taxis near the sewing factory dormitories?
– 20?!! Where will you go?
– Where where? Back to the barracks!