Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
– Dear, what can I bring from Italy?
– An effective remedy for what you brought me from Turkey…
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
The man comes home in the evening, cursing loudly and rudely.
Wife:
– What happened?
– Ben Laden is a fool!
– Dear, do not get nervous. Tell us what happened!
– I come to work, there is an envelope on the table. I open – and there’s white powder …
Wife in horror:
– Anthrax?
– No, std’s!
If you feel that you are head over heels in love, sit down, take a deep breath and think. Maybe you just want sex!
– You know, since we got to know each other, I can’t eat, drink, drink or smoke …
– What, are you so caught up in me?
– Well no, just the money ran out.
People are getting fatter because the knowledge, experience and wisdom they have accumulated over the years do not fit in their head and begin to spread throughout their bodies.
– Grandfather finally decided to get married.
– How old is he?
– 93.
– And the bride?
– 86.
– Isn’t he so afraid of the age difference?
– You know the saying – good sex ends after the wedding.
– It’s not true, I don’t have it like that, for example.
– Really?
– I didn’t have good sex even before the wedding.