Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
– Dear, what can I bring from Italy?
– An effective remedy for what you brought me from Turkey…
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
-The doctor enters the ward and hears that a patient with a high temperature is telling his wife, who is sitting by his bed:
-You my beautiful, you my wise, you my treasure, my beloved, the most beautiful in the world!
The doctor contacts the patient’s wife:
-And long ago he started to rave?
I always wonder about people who go home from work to have lunch. How do their nerves withstand going to work twice a day?
Wife to husband:
– When will you be home?
Husband to wife:
– When you finally remember that on Fridays I come home on Saturday
Late at night, tired, the husband reappears. Wife screams:
– Where were you?
“Dear, you are a wise woman to me,” says the man, “come up with something yourself.”
Two friends talking:
– You know, I probably won’t live with my wife anymore.
– Why?
– She boiled that soup again and I threw the whole pot out the window!
– It’s nothing, you will fix the situation.
– Unlikely. Sshe was standing under the window.
Many women close their eyes during sex because they want to imagine that their man is rich.