Jokes
Sherlock Holmes has visited Dr. Watson’s wife in an intimate atmosphere and is going home.
On the way you see – a man is wandering in Renstel. Holmes embarks on deduction:
So – he is either tired or drunk. He could not be drunk – today is Sunday when alcohol is not sold. So tired. He might be tired from work or from a decent woman. Since Sunday is not a working day, it comes from a woman. But I only know two good women – my wife and Watson’s wife. I come from Watson’s wife, so he was with my wife. But my wife doesn’t let strangers into the house … Oh, Watson, get up!
A married couple learning to play golf. The instructor tells the husband:
– Now take the stick as gently as if it were your beloved woman’s chest and hit it.
The man follows the advice and succeeds in a great blow.
The instructor is pleased to address his wife: – And now you take the stick gently as if it were a member of your beloved man.
The wife follows the advice, but nothing succeeds.
The instructor sighs: – Okay, take the stick out of your mouth, that’s enough for today.
The husband and wife decide that the only way to make love to their apartment on Sunday afternoon, where their ten-year-old son is, is to send him to the balcony and ask him to report what’s going on outside.
The boy begins his comments and the parents turn to their occupation.
“A car is worn in the parking lot,” he says. “The ambulance has just left,” he continues later. “Looks like Bērziņš has guests,” the son exclaims. “Pēterītis is riding a new bike, but Liepiņi is having sex.”
The parents quickly jump up and the surprised father asks “how do you know that?”
Son: “Their boy is also standing on the balcony.”
My and my penis have a secret handshake, friends for life from the age of 13.
Porn movies are like Disney cartoons, everyone gets a happy ending.
If after the first date you remember the color of the girl’s eyes, then we know that she had small tits.
Today is my wife’s birthday, so I woke her up with gentle oral sex. It was a real success that she slept with her mouth open.
Piercing the condom of a best friend with a needle seemed like a good joke – just until I arrived from a business trip and found my wife pregnant.
I can’t stand that girls don’t post pictures of their bottoms on dating sites. So how do I understand whether to continue the conversation or not?
My girl left me because I didn’t respect women. I didn’t understand what she meant by that, but I know I am going to miss her tits.
A man and a beautiful woman ride the train in one compartment. The Lord wants to get to know each other better and sits down next to him. Trying to start a conversation, but nothing sensible comes up. This puts his hand on the lady on the road and asks – do you feel anything? No … this answers. Well put your hand on your chest – do you feel? No. Take off your jacket and bra – do you feel anything? No. Undress completely and demand or feel. No, nothing. The Lord begins to make love and asks – do you feel anything now ??? Yes – this answer: I feel like my jumper is coming to you!
Question: Who is the best goalkeeper in the world?
Answer: A woman’s vagina, because they save two balls at once and lead the central attacker to vomiting !!!
August is a time when people you have been discussing the world and private life online for three months suddenly write that tomorrow they will go to school with their mother.
Vampire enters a bar.
-My blood. (He orders and gets).
Another vampire enters.
-I only have hot water. (???)
-Ya I drink so much tea. (Pull out a bloody swab).
An intimate shop was robbed around Solstice. Judging by the list of stolen property, the criminal was alone. For many years, one …
The man sits at the bar and enjoys his drink. A very sexy young woman enters here. He stares at him and cannot take his eyes off him. She notices it and comes here. Before he can apologize, she says:
– I’ll do whatever you want, even the ugliest things, for $ 100, you just have to follow one rule
– You have to express your wish in three words. The man thinks, takes the wallet, and slowly begins to pull out the five $ 20 bills and presses the beauty into a handful and, looking it deep, deep in her eyes, says:
– Paint my house.