I have never had oral sex. I vomit after it…

One Frenchman asks another:
– Have you ever seen your husband’s eyes during oral sex?
– Oh yes! I gave a blowjob. Oh God, you should have seen my husband’s eyes when he suddenly entered the room!

Today is my wife’s birthday, so I woke her up with gentle oral sex. It was a real success that she slept with her mouth open.

A man goes to his doctor complaining about migraines. His doctor tells him, “I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should try it sometime.” Two weeks later on a return visit, the patient tells his doctor, “Your suggestion worked and I’d like to tell you that you have a very nice house.”

Two prostitutes meet. One has a black ribbon around her neck.
– Are you mourning?
– No, I have a black belt in oral sex.

Ongoing interrogation at the police station where a man is accused of beating his wife.

Policeman:

– Sir, we have information that you have beaten your wife again!

Man:

– I have already explained once that we are having sex this way.

Policeman:

– It is written here that you have broken all her teeth!

Man:

– I prefer safe oral sex.

Today is my wife’s birthday, so I woke her up with gentle oral sex. It was a real success that she slept with her mouth open.

The husband is sitting and picking daisy petals:
– Anal, oral, anal, oral…
The wife hears and shouts:
– Who are you so stupid? What are you doing?
– Me? Well, I guess what awaits me in the evening…
– Just go with that sex of yours!
The husband takes the next daisy:
– Ilze, Anna, Ilze, Anna…

I was happy. I met my girlfriend for over a year and so we decided to get married. My parents supported me, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing that worried me pretty much, and that was my future wife. She was a businesswoman, smart, but most of all – beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me too conspicuously and made me feel uncomfortable.

One day she invited me to join us so we could check out the wedding invitations.

And so I left. She was alone, and when I arrived, whispered to me that soon I would be married, that she had passionate feelings for me and she wanted me. So before I marry and relate my life to her daughter, she would like to be with me only once to fall in love.

What could I say? I was in total shock and can’t say a word.

“So,” she said, “I’m going to the bedroom, and when you’re ready, just come and take me.” I watched her beautiful butt as she climbed the stairs. I stood for a moment, then turned and went to the exit door… I opened it and walked out of the house.

Her husband stood outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me, and said, “We are really happy and satisfied. You have passed our little test. We could not wish for a better husband for your daughter. Welcome to the family!”

Morality: Always keep condoms in your car!