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  • Life without an orgasm is exhausting

    Life without an orgasm is exhausting

    Come to think of it, it’s not for nothing that the French call orgasm ‘the little death’ (la petite mort). These brief moments hang somewhere between existence and non-existence, the world seems to stop and everything around becomes insignificant. Women who have already experienced this joy will definitely agree with me – life can really be divided into BEFORE and AFTER. It’s just a pity that so much women have to live the life without an orgasm.

    I used to have trouble getting THAT feeling with my partner. It would have been easier if a more experienced friend had told me what I was getting myself into. So, how to catch the joy of sex by the tail? Let’s start!

    RULE No. 1: KNOW YOUR BODY

    The first golden and perhaps even banal rule related to sex – until you get to know your body and understand where and what “touch points” are located on it, it will be extremely difficult to experience an orgasm with your partner. Even if he has a lot of experience, good hands (and a good ‘organ’ between the legs), you have to admit that he is not a psychic. Therefore, in parallel with sex with your lover, let’s not put aside sex with your most loved person in this world, i.e. with yourself. And thanks to the times we live in, many different things can help us. Therefore, don’t forget to update the contents of the nightstand drawer from time to time – such an investment brings no less joy than new shoes, believe me.

    RULE No. 2: SPEAK

    Remember, we are not sleeping with psychics who have the ability to read minds, so from here we will move on to the second step – talk to your partner about your desires and feelings in bed. By doing this, you will forget the feeling of shame. I understand that it can be nerve wracking to think about how your partner will react when you say “I want you to choke me” or something similar. But on the other hand, why have such a relationship if you have to play bliss (in every way) and suppress yourself? For example, it was not easy for me to “break through” myself and clearly ask for what I want, but, you know, I will tell you a secret. After listening to my sometimes not the most traditional wishes, my partner was glad that sex would not be a politely boring activity, reminiscent of the Viennese waltz at a banquet.

    RULE No. 3: DO NOT FAKE YOUR PLEASURE

    Every man who respects and cares for himself and his partner will definitely agree with this point. Dammit, ladies, let’s stop faking orgasms! I understand, it often seems easier to show off your acting skills for a minute than to listen to the disappointed sighs after the phrase, “Oh, you know, I’m not done yet.” But do you realize that by faking pleasure, you are doing yourself a disservice? A partner who thinks he’s doing everything perfectly, when in reality it’s far from perfect. Do we really want to cheat on our lover like this, and as soon as he goes to sleep, you go looking for a vibrator for a solo party? Sure, there’s nothing wrong with a solo party, but it’s more fun together, right?

    RULE No. 4: THE SEX STARTS BEFORE IT EVEN BEGINS

    Another thing I’ve noticed a long time ago is that for us girls, body sensations are often related to processes going on in our heads. I even read somewhere that a woman’s pleasure depends on everything that happens 24 hours before intercourse. Can you imagine the length of foreplay?

    If you and your partner growl at each other all day, constantly feel the tension hanging in the air because of the relationship, yell at each other on the phone in the afternoon, then it is unlikely that you will be able to magically relax in the evening. In general, I have experienced this on my own skin more than once: when you don’t really feel trust in your partner, your body simply tenses up and remains stiff even during caresses. In this case, the best thing to ask yourself is, are you sleeping with someone who doesn’t give you much reason to trust them? In that case, the solution is probably obvious, right?

    RULE No. 5: LET’S GET RID OF MYTHS

    When it comes to mistrust, it is often caused by another devastating phenomenon: the stereotypes of “decent girls” instilled in childhood. A part of society still tries to convince us that a virtuous woman does not want sex and gives it to her man as a reward for being together, and orgasm is usually a fantasy altogether. The idiocy of these myths is immeasurable.

    Those who subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) believe that girls can be divided into ‘respectable women’ and ‘dirty whores’ based on their clothes, number of sexual partners, hobbies and initiative in bed, can go to hell.

    If you feel that maybe this story is about you, I give you advice from the bottom of my heart – throw all the hateful fools out of your life and, if necessary, find an appropriate therapist. And not only because of your sex life.

    RULE No. 6: SURRENDER TO THE PROCESS

    If you have already applied all these points in your life, but you still cannot experience bliss in bed, I will share one more of my trump cards, acquired in practice. I once heard a friend joke that insomnia is like not being able to reach orgasm during sex – the more you think about it, the harder it is to succeed. But when you stop thinking so hard and just surrender to the process instead of worrying about the outcome, miracles often happen. By the way, this is advice that applies to almost all areas of life. 

    I will be very happy if at least one girl who reads this will sincerely enjoy every moment of sex. Believe me, orgasm is a pleasure that can hardly be compared with anything else, and it takes the relationship to a completely different level. So ladies, fear not. Let’s enjoy the orgasms. They benefit not only us and our partners, but also the whole world. After all, people with flushed cheeks are so beautiful.

  • How I Learned to Orgasm: A Story of My Experience

    How I Learned to Orgasm: A Story of My Experience

    I read an article about sex and was very surprised: only 30 percent of British women, according to statistics provided by scientists in this country, are able to experience orgasm during sex. 2000 women took part in the survey, which means that 1.4 thousand of them do not experience these unforgettable feelings. Why is this so and what to do? I will share my experience, how I learned to orgasm.

    My first orgasm did not come hand in hand with my first sex partner. I lost my virginity at the age of 19. Although I was expecting fireworks and applause, to be honest, I was disappointed. I felt nothing, neither pleasure nor pain. After that, the search for emotions and impressions began. Kisses and caresses were of course exciting, but the sex itself was uninteresting. I can’t imagine why people lose their minds over this process. As time passed, I couldn’t even imagine what an orgasm was like.

    Life went on. One man replaced another, but the sensations of sex were the same. At one point I started digging through women’s forums. It turns out that I was not the only one who wanted to know what an orgasm was – there were hundreds of such women on the Internet.

    The most popular advice is to change the man. There were rumors that there were these “masters of lower ends” who could please anyone. As a bonus, I came across statistics that a woman can experience an orgasm only 1.5-2 years after the beginning of sexual intercourse.

    I followed the advice – I changed the man. While looking for that master, I changed several. There was no love – just a light intrigue. There was something memorable with each partner. During this period, sex brought me pleasure, but I still did not “know” orgasm. I dreamed that when this happened, I would be the happiest person in the world and my life would change beyond recognition.

    Then I fell in love. He was 10 years older than me. There was a lot of sex. All it took was one inhale of his scent for me to be ready to do anything. We tried many things: both anal sex and crazy sex on the train. And he understood very well that there was no way I could ‘finish’, but what was unique about this man was that he, like me, really wanted me to finally reach the finish line. I realized that there are men in the world who are ready to even sacrifice their pleasure just to please a woman. Literally everything was “high level” except for the finale. We broke up even though we loved each other.

    Each of us lived our lives in search of new sensations. We had not seen each other for a year until we met by chance. And again his smell, his caresses. The sex was indescribable. Later that night I woke up to him kissing my body. And then it just happened. I experienced an orgasm for the first time. Oral sex orgasm. What was it like? I felt happy, but a little strange – somehow I had expected to uncork a triumphant champagne, but I was incredibly calm. I just laid there, dreamily staring at the ceiling and smiling.

    I will be forever grateful to this man. After that, orgasms came regularly. True, at first it required some effort. But that’s just my experience – how I learned to have an orgasm. Or rather, what had to happen for it to come to me. Here are two tips that have helped me:

    1. It definitely takes time. This fact must be accepted and the partner must also understand it. It is impossible to learn to orgasm during quick sex. Foreplay is a must! We just spent a lot of time together, talked, he huged me, we kissed a lot. For a woman, conversations are very important.
    2. You have to know your body. Listen to it. In which position do you feel maximum satisfaction. Don’t focus on the fact that you can’t reach orgasm – just enjoy the touches.