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  • Why Is He Still a Virgin at 40? Real Stories

    Why Is He Still a Virgin at 40? Real Stories

    What’s wrong with wanting to wait for your one and only for the first sex experience? Each of us is different and each of us may have our own reasons, so this time we will take a look at the personal stories of Reddit users about why each of them is still a virgin in their forties.”

    Happy Ending

    “I lost my virginity at age 40. I had opportunities but just didn’t realize them at the time. Girls would come flirt with me but I would just freeze and my mind would go blank. I am very shy and quiet. I sometimes think I am autistic but have never been diagnosed or tried to get diagnosed. I always though something was wrong with me and I knew I wasn’t ‘normal’. I also didn’t drink a lot or party.

    I invited a co-worker over to watch a movie one night and she is also very quiet and shy. I let her take the lead and let it happen. That was 2 years ago and we are engaged now.”

    Unable

    “Not 40, but I know one guy who has a micro penis and is physically unable to have sex. Shame too because he’s decently good looking and funny, makes out with a lot of girls, is 6’3 etc. Completely normal.

    Only know he’s a virgin due to him admitting it to me when he was drunk. He’s early to mid 30s.”

    Just Sad

    “I know a 34 year old who has never even kissed a girl. Crippling social anxiety. Also hung up on a girl from 15 years ago who has never been interested. I saw a pretty tipsy girl come onto him at a bar once and he almost jumped out of his skin. He was noooot having that shit.”

    Social Stigma

    “42 here. I thought I had a date once, it wasn’t.

    It sort of falls into three time periods.

    Age 17-25: I asked some girls/women out. They all just plain out said no(except for the one). The last few years of the period, I stupidly started to ask why and “because you’re you” was the top answer. Until the one went on in more detail and made me realized what “because you’re you” meant and I gave up. I threw myself in to my studies, researched anything that interested me, and just read A LOT about a lot.

    age 25-32: I just didn’t try. Continued my self-studies. Sure there were women I would loved to ask out (there was even one I did, quite to my own surprise, of course she said no and then some) but I was “still me” and they would have said no. I had a demanding/abusive job from age 28 to 30 that took everything from me. I joined a gym at 30.

    Age 32-now: I lost 97 lbs between age 30 and 32. Took up yoga and running. I think I noticed women noticing me but I had convinced myself women don’t find me attractive, so I had to be imagining things. My work out routine has lessened since then and I have gained back some weight but thankfully more muscle than fat.

    I learned in my late 20s that I have a personality type that makes me hard to get to know which means dating is particularly difficult. It was at this time I thought I was a high-functioning autist. I do have many (but not all) traits of one. I’ve never been good at social stuff so I have huge disadvantage in the sociality needed for dating. In the last 5 years or so, I began to wonder if I have social anxiety disorder instead of or maybe in addition to autism. And in all this time I’ve worked overnights which adds another difficulty in dating.

    I get the idea that I’m the better-than-nothing guy but I don’t want to be the last option for someone. I’d rather like a woman who wants to be with me and not has to be with someone. I also don’t think it would be fair to burden a woman with my “quirks and foibles” that I’ve gotten over the years. Also, the social stigma of being over 40 and never even having a date seems like a obstacle in itself.”

    Too Focused

    “I actually work with one hes like 45ish? maybe closing in on 50. He’s a strange guy works too much and way to hard saves all his money is generally stingy but kinda social. I know he wants it but he’s too focused on work to actually make it happen.”

    Unapproachable

    “Some of us are just ugly in both looks and personality. No sob story or long-winded explanation needed. Years of intense social rejection and depression don’t help, but they aren’t the primary cause. Some people are just inherently unapproachable.”

    High Standards

    “A friend of mine is 39 and has never lost it.

    He’s super religious, has had girlfriends, but never got married or anything so he never had has sex.

    Well, thats as far as I know. Maybe he has and is ashamed of it, maybe he’s gay and is in the closet, maybe he’s asexual, I don’t know.

    Normal beer drinking, playing video games, going to bars, and traveled the world sort of a guy, decent looking but not great (he’s maybe a little out of shape but I wouldn’t call it ugly).

    Thing is he wants to be married before sex and also has super, weirdly high standards.

    Like now that he’s his age he still wont settle for anything less than a Kate Upton thats ultra christian.”

    There Is Hope For Anyone

    “My husband’s brother was the typical lost cause … 39 years old, still lived with his parents in a small town, had an ok job but spent all his money on dvds and comics, some travel but he didnt like doing it alone so not that much. He had kind of given up all hope of ever finding someone. My husband’s first marriage broke down and he asked his brother to move in with him to help cover the cost of his mortgage. Slowly over the years his bother learned to adult, to manage his finances better, to talk to people and to get out more. Some friends convinced him to try online dating. After a few misses he eventually met someone he clicked with. They have been married now for about 3 years and couldn’t be happier, she is into movies and travel and lots of other things he thought no-one would be interested in sharing with him. He is 48 now and is happier than he’s ever been. He is proof that there is hope for anyone, you just need to get out and meet people if you want to stand a chance of meeting the right person.”

  • Anonymous story: “I am 28 and a virgin”

    Anonymous story: “I am 28 and a virgin”

    Hello! I want an advice – I have put myself into such a stupid situation that I no longer know how to get out of it. It may be hard to believe, but I am 28 years old and I am still “a virgin”. No, I haven’t lived under a stone all these years, I don’t belong to any religious sect, and apart from that fact, it would be hard find anything that makes me weird. ”

    Lots of success in life

    “According to public standards I am even too normal. I studied very well at school, I also graduated from musical school, I passed all the exams with high grades, my parents never had any problems with me. Later I entered university, and studied specialty I have been dreaming of since high school. Studies were difficult so I learnd practically nonstop. I finished both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree.

    Now I already have a stable and successful career. There seems to be nothing missing in my life, I am an independent girl and I stand firmly on my feet. ”

    Self-realization was more important than parties

    “However, I do not understand how I haven’t been able to establish a romantic relationship so far. My sexual experience is completely zero. While all my friends were raging of hormones in the last few years of school, I was preparing for exams and it seemed like I just didn’t have time for the boys.

    Later in the first year of college, I heard countless stories of endless parties and project work that had been written the night before, but I was too focused on my success, not allowing myself to relax. ”

    Only a few close friends know

    “You would probably think that I am ugly or uncommunicable, but I valued myself quite highly. I have some close friends and only they know my “secret”. I reassured myself for up to 24 years that I don’t have to hurry just because “everyone does so.”

    Later, I was just ashamed of this fact. As soon as I had a warmer relationship with a guy I liked, I went on a couple of dates and flirted. But when it came to intimate relationships, I lied and acted as if I had experienced sex. In fact, I was scared and ashamed of myself. I haven’t gone beyond kisses and caresses yet. ”

    The guy I like doesn’t even know about it

    “But recently I met a very nice guy. We immediately felt some strange connection. We talked completely freely on the first date, it seemed that we had known each other for a long time. The biggest trouble is that without thinking I lied that I lost my virginity at the age of 18 (I know, stupid).

    We have met 3 times – I think the further it leads, the less chance there is to escape the confrontation. I can choose the usual scenario – to end the relationship out of the blue, but I am tired of lying to myself and others. I feel that everything is different with him than with previous guys – he attracts me a lot, we have similar values ​​in life, our characters are the same.

    I would like to know how to move things forward? I am ashamed to lie to him. I am afraid that even if I dare to tell the truth, he will leave me. Maybe I should just try to pretend that I have had sex in my life? I have no idea what to do. I really need advice. Thank you! ”

    You have to be open about it

    Firstly, it is important to emphasize that there is nothing abnormal if a 28-year-old still has not ‘lost her virginity‘.

    Rachel Keller, an American psychotherapist, explains that the stigmatization of virginity is very common in our society – people are ashamed of it and very often lie about it like the author of the letter. Prolonged feelings of shame can damage an individual’s psychological state, creating a misconception about relationships and sex life.

    In this case, therapy can help to find out why a person is having difficulty making intimate physical contact with another person.

    Openness to the guy is especially important in this situation – it will help the author to get rid of the long-standing shame and will be the first step in recognizing that she is worthy of love, regardless of whether she has had sex.