Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
– Dear, what can I bring from Italy?
– An effective remedy for what you brought me from Turkey…
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
One girlfriend asks the other:
– I’m wondering how your husband remembers your wedding anniversary?
– Fortunately, he doesn’t remember!
– Why “fortunately”?
– Because I remind him of it several times a year and I always get presents.
Wife asks:
-How much do you weigh?
– 60 kilograms and something a little more!
– And how many hundreds do this a little more weigh?
– I need urgent psychological rehabilitation.
– Come here, let’s get together!
– You’re a real friend.
– I feel dizzy before sex with a woman.
– Strange, but what do you do before having sex with a woman?
– What what? I blow her up…
A husband sleeps on a death bed, dies, and says to his wife:
– I want to tell you the whole truth before I die: I slept with your mother and sister.
“I know, darling, that’s why I poisoned you.”
I went into the store, and the salesman asked, “What does the girl want?” …
“The girl wants a martini, good man and regular sex, but I came for a bun …”