Jokes
A man at the bar looks at the iced cocktail:
– Look, what an interesting shape – a piece of ice with a hole.
A man sitting next to him looks sadly into the glass:
– Well, and what’s so interesting about it – I’ve been married to that for twenty years.
Not all girls believe in love at first sight. Because it is difficult to determine how much he earns.
– Why are you smearing my penis with toothpaste?
– Well, I’ll also brush my teeth.
In the past, girls blushed when they were ashamed, but now they are ashamed that they blush.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Two prostitutes meet. One has a black ribbon around her neck.
– Are you mourning?
– No, I have a black belt in oral sex.
If a woman starts a conversation with the words “I don’t want to offend you…” then get ready to hear the most insulting thing in your life.
– Hello, Peter? Come out to smoke, drink vodka, pick up prostitutes and play cards for stripping.
– It’s not Peter, but his mother.
– Oh, sorry. Please tell him: Peter, come outside to breathe fresh air, drink mineral water, meet nice girls, and also tell him to dress warmly – it’s cold outside!
Woman at the dentist. While the dentist is drilling the tooth, her husband calls her. The dentist picks up the cell and says:
– Be so kind and wait. I’ll finish, she’ll spit it out and then you can have a normal conversation.
A policeman drives past a parking lot where a car is parked. He comes closer, looks, a guy and a girl are sitting inside. The guy reads a newspaper, girl knits a sock. The policeman approaches the driver’s window and asks the guy:
– What are you doing?
– Don’t you see? I’m reading a magazine!
Police officer:
– But her?
– Knitting a sock.
Police officer:
– How old are you?
The guy:
– Nineteen.
Police officer:
– And she?
The guy looks at his watch:
– In 10 minutes she will be eighteen.
I had a difficult childhood. My parents were very poor. If I had been born a girl, I would have had nothing to play with at all.
During a visit to the doctor, the girl asks to be prescribed medicine for a stronger character. The doctor scratches his bald head in amazement:
– What exactly worries you?
– I lack the firmness of character. I’m unable to say “No”.
– Wait a second, I’ll lock the door.
A psychotherapist for a patient:
– After our first conversation, I have two news for you – bad and good. The bad thing is that you are undoubtedly a closeted homosexual.
Patient:
– And what are the good news?
The psychotherapist sits closer:
– You are nice…
The husband returns home and sees his wife in sexy underwear. She hands him the rope and says in an erotically excited voice:
– Tie me up and do whatever you want!
The husband tied her up and went fishing.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
A single cleaning lady becomes pregnant. To the question of who is the child’s father, she answers quite briefly:
– You think that I look back all the time while washing the stairs?
Armed robbers break into a bank.
– Hands up! Everyone on the floor! Don’t move!
All employees lie down on the floor. The senior cashier whispers in the young employee’s ear:
– Takes a decent pose. It’s a heist, not the boss’s birthday party.