Jokes
Wife to husband:
– You know, you’ll be a father soon!
Husband (sighing heavily):
– So she told you about it too…
Father in law to his son in law:
– Do you like my wife?
– Yes, I like her!
– That means we’ll both get along well. I like people with a sense of humor.
– What should a woman do to make her marriage happy?
– She has to understand her husband and love him a little.
– And what should a man do to make him happy in marriage?
– He must love his wife and not try to understand her.
One wife recommends to the other:
– Don’t be sad that your husband runs after every skirt!
My dog also chases after each car, but after catching it, he doesn’t really know what to do with it!
Bride:
– Will you love me when we get married?
Groom:
– I think so. I have always been attracted to married women!
Night. Husband and wife in bed. The wife hears during sleep:
– Honey, let’s have sex!
“I’m very tired, my head hurts,” she growls.
Husband: – Sleep, sleep, it’s not for you! I’m talking on the phone.
Jealous husband asks his wife:
“Would you sleep with Bruce Willis for a million?”
– Of course, if I could save that much!
Wife reads aloud the newspaper:
– Police are looking for a tall blonde man between the ages of 35 and 40 who is harassing women on the street…
Husband (yawning):
– Honey, do you really think this job would suit me?
After the wedding night, the man wakes up, gets up quietly and goes out to the kitchen. There he prepares breakfast, pours coffee, puts it all on a tray and brings it to the sleeping wife.
– How sweet of you! – she exclaims.
– Did you see how I did it? From tomorrow you will do it every day!
Two friends are talking:
– My wife was a slut in a previous life!
– How do you know that?
– I killed her yesterday.
Honey, do you know that all diseases are nerve-based?
– Well, yes?!
– I think you’re nervous and you have syphilis…
The man returns from a business trip. He opens the door of the apartment, and his wife is already running towards him, shouting:
– Let’s run faster! Just announced that there was an explosion in our house!
– Wait a minute, darling! Before we run away, I’ll see if the bomb is in our bedroom closet!
After many years, two classmates met.
– Well, how are you? How about a wife? I remember she bloomed like a rose 20 years ago!
– Everything. Bloomed. There are only thorns left.
“Before we get married, I’d like to confess to all my sins,” the guy tells his bride.
– But you confessed to me a week ago! – She is confused.
– Yes, dear, but now I have even more information!
Wife:
– Do you know what day is tomorrow?
Husband:
– Of course! 10th anniversary of our wedding.
– And how will we celebrate this holiday?
– What holiday?
Two men walk down the street, in front of which – two women. One says:
– You see, the one on the right is my wife, but on the left is my favorite. And I will tell you that very good lover!
The other answers:
– The one on the left is my wife, but on the right is my lover. And, I must admit, also a good lover.
– Grandfather finally decided to get married.
– How old is he?
– 93.
– And the bride?
– 86.
– Isn’t he so afraid of the age difference?