Jokes

Guy and girl after a stormy night.

The guy is going to walk away, but suddenly at the door, he sees a photo of the man and asks:
– Honey, what is that?
– Let’s not talk about it better.
– I love you, trust me, I will understand everything!
– Well, that’s right, in the past.

Two girl friends talking:
– How I envy you! Your boyfriend is so attentive to you, kind, always listens to you, gives expensive gifts. I just don’t understand one – why don’t you marry him?
– Because I want it to continue in the future.

A blond girl enters a telecommunications center and wants to send a message to her mother in Poland.
When a center employee tells a blonde that it will cost $ 100, the blonde replies that she doesn’t have that kind of money and asks if there really is no other way than to send a message. An employee of the center thinks and says:
– Well in general there is another possibility, please follow me. Enter the adjoining room:
– Close the door.
The blondie closes.
– Now get on your knees.
The blondie drops.
– Open my pants forward.
The blondie does it.
– Take my girlfriend!
The blondie grabs the employee’s girlfriend with both hands.
Then the employee says impatiently: – So what are you waiting for? Forward!
The blondie slowly brings her lips closer to her friend and says: – HELLO, MUUUUUUUM!?

The wolf enters the pharmacy and says: I need 60 condoms. Suddenly he hears 2 bunnies laughing in the corner, he looks at the bunnies, turns back to the pharmacist, and says: Let’s go with 62.

After sex:
– Dear, what will we call our baby?
Jack removes the condom, ties it in a knot, and throws it in the toilet:
– If it’s in the field, let’s call it Copperfield!

The wife asks her husband:
– You swear to cut off your dick if you cheat on me!
– No.
– But I swear!

A couple of lovers sleep in a bed after good sex.
The woman says in a dreamy voice:
– Think dear – someday we will get married …
A man, blowing out cigarette smoke, boredly answers: – And you still hope that someone will want to marry us?

At the police station: – Dear, we have information that you have beaten your wife again!
– I once explained to you that we have sex this way.
– But it is written here that you have broken all her teeth!
– I prefer safe sex.

In Germany, a sign with the words:
“If you’re tired of sinning, open the door and come in!”
Someone with lipstick wrote down:
“But if you’re not tired, call 9091010.”

– My spouse must be a redhead, always be at home and always happy to see me, faithful, not to speak up, and to love me for who I am …
– What about a spaniel?

The frog tells his girlfriend the frog:

– You know what I walked along the edge of the pond yesterday and raped me. I walked along the edge of the pond today and was raped again. But you know what, I’ll walk along the edge of the pond in the morning too!

Two drunk friends come out of the joy house. The first asks:
– Well, how was it?
– I’ll tell you how – my wife is much better!
And how were you? – You’re right, your wife knows it much better.

Three very drunk friends, going home early in the morning, stop at the house of joy. In the pockets of pockets, count the last money … One has only one and a half euros left, the other has the last snag and the third 15 euros. Everyone starts praying for the girl to have mercy and for everyone, with how much money is there for doing something good. The first to enter is the one and a half a euro in his pocket, and after 20 minutes he comes out smiling and satisfied. The others demand as it were. – Super! She opened my pants, pulled out my friend, put a pineapple slice on it, and started licking it with my tongue … I couldn’t hold on anymore, I stayed… so good. Well, then went another friend. After 15 minutes, the happiness comes out and says: – The pants were opened, the cock  was taken out, a pineapple slice was put on it, whipped cream was put on it, she started to lick everything with her tongue. Mmmm … the view, the feeling of how long it will stay there … Well, the third friend goes inside. After 5 minutes thrown out dissatisfied. Friends ask what has happened so far. – It all started just like you – the pants were opened, my dick was pulled out, puffed up, the pineapple was sliced, the whipped cream was put on and even the cherry was put on top! It looked so delicious that I didn’t hold on and I ate it myself.

He passionately threw her on the bed … but unfortunately missed it …

Gynecologist to the patient:
– How many men have you had sex with?
– Hmm… With five or six…
– Not so much.
– Yes… A failed week…

There are 3 types of women:
1) beautiful;
2) reliable;
3) beautiful and reliable … but inflatable …

At the exhibition
– Here is an Indian cock capable of giving satisfaction to a chicken 100x a day.
– Well, old man, adjust.
– I am forced to point out that each chicken must be different.
– You fit in too.

– Listen, I heard people say that men are still zoophiles.
– Of course! First, he meets bunnies and mice, then lives with goats and cows.