Jokes

Two men meet:

– You know, I recently became impotent. It turns out the world is so much interesting .. Theaters, cinemas, exhibitions, parks …

Broadcast “What? Where? When?”:
– Question – Why do German porn films win first place in world pornography? Attention to the screen …
– Let’s take an extra minute!

Go to the man’s sex catalog.
– Well, what perverts do you suffer from?
– Doctor, what? I enjoy them …

The wedding is in full swing, but suddenly someone from everyone takes the microphone
and declares:
– Dear wedding guests, I will ask for a moment’s attention!
Everyone falls silent, but he squirts with a smile on his lips:
– Now. I would like to. To the bride. In the presence of all … make me a blowjob!
Silence of the grave in the hall, guests – dumb. And then slowly, turning his teeth, the groom gets up, but the guest calls:
– No, no, not the groom, but the bride!

Yesterday I had an unforgettable sexual evening … In his red underwear in a silk bed and I in the opposite house window with binoculars …

The company is changing bosses.
The old one passes things on to the new one, shows who is where, where outgoing, where incoming documents, etc.
In the end, he whispers to the young man: you can also talk to the secretary …
This is the order – if you want to talk, you have to say that you have to come to write a letter.
It’s okay to celebrate and the new one takes its place.
After a few days, the young man thought of trying and telling the secretary that he should write a letter …
To which the secretary replies that she currently has a monthly report and she can do it orally or retroactively!
The boss did not expect such a turn and was embarrassed to enter the office …
After a while, the secretary enters and asks – with that letter?
The boss answers: thank you, I already wrote by hand …

Peter and Anna fell in love. Suddenly the door opens and the whole family enters.
Anna thinks:
– Everything, the end, will be told to me, the school will be announced, there will be a scandal …
Peter thinks:
– Well, all night, the brain scales, forbidden to watch TV.
Grandmother:
– It was so lacking that he would soon start smoking!
Father:
– Very big grown-up. Maybe buy him a motorcycle?
Mother:
– Well, as she sleeps, it’s uncomfortable for my boyfriend !!!

Three men enter Paradise.
God first asks if he was faithful to his wife on earth.
The first swears that he never left.
God gives this a Mercedes to ride in paradise.
God requires the other to behave on earth.
The second says that he was a little sinner though.
God gives this a Lada to ride in paradise.
Then God asks the third how he behaves on earth.
It admits that he was quite a big daughter of a geek.
God is angry, but linger is given.
Here all three meet happily in a week, only the first to arrive with a mermaid is finally creepy.
The rest asks for the case.
This answers that he has seen his wife in paradise.
This is said to have been rolled up.

Gold knowledge:
If a man looks you in the eyes for a long, long time,
you can be sure that everything else he has already looked at.

The police officer asks the arrested detainee:
– Why did you run away from prison?
– I wanted to get married.
– Hmm. You have an unusual idea of ​​freedom….

– The director of a furniture store returns from a business trip to Paris. Tell your friends:
– Oh, what a city! What streets! What shops!
– Well but women?
– O-o! This is something incredible! Dream! The main thing – any man understands half a word.
Here’s an example: entrance to a small restaurant, I sit at a table. A dizzying beauty sits at me. And immediately realizes that I am in their language – not a word.
Draw me a glass on a napkin. I’ll order her champagne.
Draw a cigarette. I give up smoking.
Draw two dancing figures. I invite her to a dance.
– Well and then?
– Drawn a bed…
– And you?
– Hmm… So far I can’t understand how she guessed I was the director of a furniture store.

Conversation in a rural village:
– Listen, today we will have a concert in the club “For those over 30”. Come on, let’s have fun.
– Of course, we meet at the club.
Next day:
– Listen, why didn’t you come yesterday?
– You already said that “those over 30”, but I measured yesterday, I was just barely 17 …Conversation in a rural village:
– Listen, today we will have a concert in the club “For those over 30”. Come on, let’s have fun.
– Of course, we meet at the club.
Next day:
– Listen, why didn’t you come yesterday?
– You already said that “those over 30”, but I measured yesterday, I was just barely 17 …

Winnie the Pooh suggests to the Piglet:
– Listen, Piglet, let’s go to the pond to fuck frogs!
– Ok, Pooh.
So these two go.
Pooh takes the first one:
– Kwaaa!
Otro:
– Kwaaa!
Third:
– Kvīīī!
– Ui, sorry, Piglet!

A young couple comes to a sex pathologist. The husband complains that he doesn’t really know what to do with his wife. The doctor brings the patients to the couch, asks her to lie down, undresses and performs her husband’s duties.
– Do you now understand what you need to do with your wife? – The doctor asks her husband.
– Of course, Doctor! Thanks! But if you’re ever busy, where should I take him?

The man brings home a porn movie. They both watch with his wife as the husband gets tired and goes to rest. After an hour, the husband calls his wife:
– Aren’t you going to sleep at all?
– Wait, dear, lets watch the movie to the end!
After another hour:
– How long have you been watching that shit?
– Well, how! but I have to find out if he will marry him or not!

Home ads on the internet are like prostitutes,
in the picture all the beautiful
but when you leave, the picture is completely different…