“I was on my way to work and I was listening to a podcast where hosts told how nine years ago they decided to experiment with sex – making love every day for two months – and how it improved their marriage. I listened and wondered if it would be possible to conduct such an experiment with my husband John.
At the time, we had sex about once a week, not as much as we thought married couples should have sex. But it wasn’t because we didn’t want more sex.
We have four children, ages 1, 5, 7, and 9, we both work full-time, and are completely exhausted by the evening. Also, I take anti-depressants which reduce my sex drive. I thought about all this and wondered if I wanted to participate in a two-month experiment of daily sex. If I offered John an experiment, there would be no going back,” says Jessica Migal, author of womenshealthmag.com.
“I finally decided that this kind of experiment would really strengthen our marriage, and I texted my husband after I left for work. This intrigued him, and he proposed to begin the experiment that very evening.
We decided to make simple rules – we will have sex every day for two months, except for days when one of us is sick, one of us is on a business trip or I have my period.
At first it was very unusual to discuss sex in such a practical way. The first night, after my husband put the kids to bed, I climbed into bed and undressed. Usually before sex, we did a little preparation – we went to dinner, I put on something nice. But even without this it was fun. This experience was relaxing. There were no more questions about whether we were going to make love or not, no more tension, no need to dress for the occasion, no need to plan anything.
After a few days of the experiment, an interesting thing happened – John became more relaxed and playful when he put the children to bed. When I told him that, he said that no matter how long it takes to put the kids to bed, it doesn’t stress him anymore because he knows there’s going to be sex afterwards.
As the sex experiment, as we both called it, continued, I noticed that John was becoming more relaxed in all areas of his life. For example, anxiety about money matters decreased. We continued to discuss the budget, only these talks were less tense.
During sex, hormones of happiness are produced – dopamine and oxytocin, maybe they helped to keep calm. Whatever the reason, one thing was clear: sex helped him relax and brought us both closer together.
For me, daily sex quickly became a way to relax and bond with my husband. In fact, after a while, I noticed that my libido increased.
I think the feeling of being wanted every day increased my sex drive.
On a daily basis, planned sex may not seem as romantic or passionate as spontaneous sex, but in reality, we just lacked romance and spiciness. We no longer had to prove something to the other person or make a special effort just to get sex in the evening. We both knew there was going to be sex, so we took our time, sometimes including massage, listening to music, because we both wanted to please the other.
I’ll admit, when we started making love almost every day, sometimes I looked at other couples and thought to myself, “We make love much more often than you do.”
When the experiment was over, none of us wanted to break the established rhythm, so we decided to continue. Now we make love at least six times a week, John initiates sex three days a week, I initiate the other three days, and one day a week each of us can initiate. Role reversal is very important because my husband also wants to feel wanted. If he initiates sex more often than I do, he thinks I don’t want to have sex with him, even though I do. In fact, the anti-depressants I take make me not want to have sex until I consciously think about it, so our plan works for both of us.
We’ve been married 15 years, both about to turn 40, and made love almost every day for five months. A new habit of having sex is often an investment in ourselves, and I truly believe that it will pay off in the future. This habit strengthens our connection, makes us more relaxed. For this reason, John and I agreed to continue the sex experiment in the near future. It goes without saying that obstacles may arise, someone may get sick, you may have to go on a business trip – that’s life. If our new rhythm falls apart, I know we’ll still want to start it up again as soon as we get a chance. After all, we already understood – this new habit gives and will give many benefits.”
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