Jokes
It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim and you already have everything you want.
It’s harder to be a man – a little whim and you don’t even have anything to eat.
– Dear, what can I bring from Italy?
– An effective remedy for what you brought me from Turkey…
Statistics show that in 90% of cases hamsters die from the owner’s ass!
One day a week – be yourself. The other six days – restore your reputation.
This evening, my wife and children are leaving for the summer house.
So begins a happy but hungry summer.
Son, you are already big. You bring girls home, sleep with them. Your father and I decided that it’s time for you to finally buy your own couch…
When their eyes met, Dave was confused. And who can say – whether it was because he was in love, or because he was taking a dump behind the garage at that moment?
– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold…
– Fuck off Dave and start working!!!
Some lady invites me to her home to fix her wall socket and says: “Payment in pleasure!”
And I began to think, where was I fooled?
It turns out that she gets pleasure from both sex and that repaired wall socket, but I had to screw both with her and with that fucking wall socket?!
Without hesitation, the programmer named his newborn children New Son (1) and New Son (2).
My husband and I always exchange opinions.
He comes with his opinion, but leaves with mine!
Signs that a date is going wrong:
– She brought some other guy with her.
– She started to cry when she found out that you are a Gemini.
– She plays with her hair removing the wig from her bald head.
– She periodically reminds you to hurry, because she is paid by the hour after all.
– Three hours have passed since she went to the toilet.
– At five in the morning it became clear that “she is not like that”.
– While you were not in the basement, she managed to free herself from the chair and now is hiding somewhere with a knife in her hands.
The wife comes in to the neighbor and says, “My man is no longer sleeping with me, he somehow avoids sex, what should I do?”
The neighbor thought, “When a man comes from work, meet him in the bedroom, for example, naked and on all fours with the bottom to the door, he will definitely climb on top of you and then you will have sex.”
Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.
Conversation between two wives:
-Do you know what could be worse than a man who doesn’t come home on time?
-What?
-Husband who arrives untimely…
Young woman goes to church to confess her sins:
-Father, yesterday I called some guy “son of a bitch”.
-Why did you do that?
-He touched my hand.
-Like this? – pastor touches girl’s hand.
-Yes!
-But that’s not a reason to call him son of a bitch.
-He also touched my breasts.
-Like this? – pastor touches girl’s breasts.
-Yes!
-But that’s no reason to call him son of a bitch.
-He undressed me!
-Like this? – pastor undresses the girl.
-Yes!!
-Well, that’s no reason to call him son of a bitch.
-Well, but then he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what.
-Like this? – pastor puts his thing into her place.
-Yes!!!
-It’s no reason to call him son of a bitch either.
-But he had AIDS!
-THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
Don’t believe the Kamasutra! There are only two positions in sex: either you or to you!
-The doctor enters the ward and hears that a patient with a high temperature is telling his wife, who is sitting by his bed:
-You my beautiful, you my wise, you my treasure, my beloved, the most beautiful in the world!
The doctor contacts the patient’s wife:
-And long ago he started to rave?