Jokes
Why do women have vaginas?
So that men have a reason to start a conversation with them.
Why do men have a penis?
So that they are not complete asses.
Two fathers are talking:
– My son wants to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.
– Doesn’t he have his own hand?
– There are, but they have already melted.
The husband is sitting and picking daisy petals:
– Anal, oral, anal, oral…
The wife hears and shouts:
– Who are you so stupid? What are you doing?
– Me? Well, I guess what awaits me in the evening…
– Just go with that sex of yours!
The husband takes the next daisy:
– Ilze, Anna, Ilze, Anna…
– Did you pour vodka?
– Yes…
– Both for myself and for me?
– Both for myself and for me.
In the restaurant:
– Do you have a cattle prod?
– No. But if you really want, we can kick the chicken for you.
– Girl, would you please sleep with me for 100 euros?
– No way.
– Think carefully, please. I really need money right now.
Bar. Semi-darkness. A commercial for panty liners plays quietly on the TV: “These are the only panty liners that breathe.”
The man pulled himself away from the glass with difficulty:
– Oh my god, what are they, poor people, breathing…
– Honey, how do you feel about anal sex?
– Well, if you really want and like it, why not?
– Great! But I was afraid you would be against it.
– You know, actually, I’m not very interested in how you and your friends spend your time there.
– Are you satisfied with your job?
– Yes.
– That you feel it?
– I drive to work in the morning. I press myself against a woman on a bus – I feel arousal. I drive home in the evening. I press myself against a woman on the bus – I don’t feel arousal. So the work is satisfactory.
If something good happens, you have to drink to celebrate. If something bad happens, you have to drink to forget. If nothing happens, you have to drink to make something happen.
– Tell me, please, what makes you drink that much every day?
– Nobody makes me. I am a volunteer.
English Gentlemen’s Club. Someone asks:
– How does Sherlock Holmes live without women?
– Elementary!
– Watson?!
A mother checks her son’s school bag and finds sadomasochistic porn magazines in it. The horrified mother goes to the father:
– Oh my God! What are we going to do now?!
– Well, we are definitely not gonna hit him…
– What does it mean if a woman has a wedding ring on her finger?
– That means she is married.
– And if she has a ring with a stone on her finger?
– It doesn’t mean anything.
– And what does it mean if she has both a wedding ring and a ring with a stone on her finger?
– It means that she is married, but it means nothing to her.
He and she make love:
– Let’s try position 68?
– What is that?
– You give me a blowjob, but I owe you.
Conversations between friends:
– Guys, what do you think – is it easier to be married or single?
– It’s hard to say… But it’s probably easier to show your new girl to your mother than to your wife.
What is the difference between old man and man?
An old man smells like an old man, and a man smells like women.