Jokes
– When is your wedding?
– June 21.
– When is the shortest night?
– Yes.
– You pussy.
The husband has brought his wife to a work party and quietly introduces her to those present:
– This is Smith with his wife, and that one is his lover. This is Jones with his wife, and that one is his lover. But that redhead is my lover.
– Yes, ours is the best – proudly concludes the wife.
A man comes to work with a blue eye and tells everyone:
– My wife hit me.
– But why?
– For addressing her by “You”.
– Come on. Don’t lie about such things. Tell us what happened.
– Well, we were sleeping in bed. She says: “We haven’t had sex in a long time”. Well, and I answered her: “Not WE, but YOU”.
She:
– What we just did, I think it was bad.
He:
– Shall we try again? Maybe it will get better.
A cigarette shortens a person’s life by 1 hour.
A glass of alcoholic drink – by 2 hours.
But the working day shortens it by 8 hours.
Remember. If after the 250th gentle touch she doesn’t respond with tenderness, it’s important not to tell her that because of such frigid, career-minded sluts, the average number of sexual acts per inhabitant of the World has decreased by 5.5 percent in the last year.
Conversation in the boss’s office:
– I would like a higher salary, because three other big companies are already showing interest in me.
– Which would they be?
– Housing administration, biggest telecommunication company, and electricity office.
What is the difference between a wise man and a fool?
A fool tells anecdotes about blondes, a wise man sleeps with them.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”
A bachelor is a person who starts relationships with women based on the principle:
The main thing is not to win, the main thing is to participate.
A man comes to visit his old friend and sees a little girl running around the room.
– Diploma! – calls the owner of the house. – Bring us coffee, please.
– Diploma? What a strange name, – wonders the guest. – Why was she called that?
– I sent my daughter to study at the university, and this is what she came back with.
– It’s strange. Our neighbors are not yelling to one another for the third day.
– Maybe they had an argument?
The staff of the registry office spend eight hours a day doing love.
– Dear, haven’t you noticed that I’ve started to look better?
– Yes.
– Yes, do I look better?
– Yes, I haven’t noticed.
If a woman believes that she is in no way worse than a man, she is a feminist.
If a man believes that he is no worse than a woman, he is gay.