Jokes

Wife to husband:
– Why do you have a long blonde hair on your pants?
Husband:
– I was driving on a tram, apparently it stuck there…
The wife does not back off:
– Really on the tram? But what about your new blonde secretary?
Husband:
– No, I always pull my pants off then.

Jealous husband to wife:
– You look so suspicious – as if I was cheating or about to do so.
Wife:
– Why do you choose only one of the two options?

Remove cigarette and alcohol ads from porn sites already! Kids also visit them!

Blonde brings her crashed car to the service. She shows it to the mechanic and explains:
– Someone bumped in my ass!
The mechanic looks at the car and asks:
– How many times?

After I got married, I realized what happiness is, but it was too late …

It’s easier to be a woman – a little whim, and you get everything you want.

It’s harder to be a man – a little whim, and you don’t even have a money to buy food anymore.

I have been boxing for 20 years, my wife has been kickboxing for 15 years.

We never argue. We are really scared to do that!

– I can easily seduce 100% of women! Look! Hey, beautiful, do you want me?
– No!

– Oh, statistical error!

My husband and I always have an exchange of views.
He comes with his opinion, but goes with mine!

Ninety percent of a woman’s beauty is made up of the men’s imagination.

Man in sexshop:
– Please show me that doll.
– Ok.
– What is the release date?
– January this year.
– Capricorn?! No, I don’t match with this horoscope …

According to statistics, girls who have something to look at in 9th grade already have something to tell about in 12th grade.

Some lady invites me to her home to fix her rosette and says, that she will pay in pleasure. And I started wondering was I fooled? She gets pleasure from both sex and the repaired rosette, but I have to fuck with both her and the rosette?!

When my wife and I are arguing, I always look at her from the top down, because I’m the head of the home … And it’s easier to try to prove the point from the top of the closet …

– Touch my breasts! Do you see how hard my nipples are? It’s from the cold …

– Knock it off, James, and start working!!!

Women’s logic: wait for the prince, but later blame him for lying on the couch all the time and not working as hard as real men.