Jokes

Married life is like an accounting: wife is interested only in acounts, husband – in the acts.

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Old lady gets on the bus and sits in front of an old man with her legs wide open.

Old man:

– Close your cemetery…

Old lady:

– Why? The dead one is begining to come to life ?!

Men have only two emotional states: hunger and desire.

If you see that he doesn’t have an erection, make him a sandwich.

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

There are so many advantages in marriage. You only have to get used to them at the beginning …

My wife goes to the gym…

and has already dropped 50 euros in a month.

– Honey, did you buy me a present?

– Yes, I did!

– Will I like it?

– Maybe! If you don’t like it, give it to me. I have been dreaming of such fishing kit for a long time!

A decent man should know that even a deck of cards doesn’t allow you to have more than 4 ladies.

Men have no physical signs of losing their virginity, apart from the cheeky, satisfied face…

The safest animal in the world is a man. But only the first 5 minutes after good sex!

Girls, get married, do it! No man in the world should go unpunished!

In countries where alcohol is banned, everyone remembers their first sexual experience.

– John, what could we give our godson on his birthday?

– Maybe a rubber woman!

– You’re crazy! He is such an intelligent guy!

– Don’t worry, we’ll put a glasses on her…

I often ask myself questions of a philosophical nature:

– What do I do in my life?

– Where am I going?

– What do I want to gain from life?

– Will I meet my true love?

Then I get up, put on my pants and flush the water.

The teacher’s monthly cycle can be determined from the grades in the class journal.

You have fake lips, fake hair, fake breasts – and you want to find a real man?