Jokes
I went into the store, and the salesman asked, “What does the girl want?” …
“The girl wants a martini, good man and regular sex, but I came for a bun …”
– Do you like water?
– Yes.
– Awesome! So 70% of me you already like…
I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
– It’s bad without women…
– The thing that you feel bad without women, is good. It is really bad if you feel good without women.
Are you sneaking around porn sites in my presence ?!
– This is your Instagram.
– Sex on the phone. I will fulfill all your wishes!
– Honey, it’s me. Please buy some bread when you come home…
Last night I fell asleep in my son’s room. In the morning I read text messages from my husband:
1:22 – Where are you?
3:15 – Where are you, you slut…?
4:20 – Found You 🙂 Sleep tight, honey 🙂
– Oh, if I could go back to the day we first met.
– It’s so nice. Do you want to enjoy it again?
– No, I would not come…
– Do you know Viagra pills?
– What are they?
– Well, you can do it 2-3 times a night!
– Sedative of any kind?
After the wedding night.
He:
– Dear, I realized that I am not your first…
She:
– Yes… And I realized that you are not my last….
The fortune-teller predicted that John will have two years without sex, but he did not lose his head and immediately proved her that she is a charlatan.
Guy and girl very happy after a stormy night getting dressed for work.
Guy admiring himself:
– Seventeen times in one night, and I could go more. I have never experienced enything like that.
Then he asks to the girl:
– Where are you working, I can take you?
– In a doping laboratory.
– Do you have boyfriend?
– No.
– How so?! Why does such a beautiful and charming girl has no boyfriend?!…
– Last one died of happiness…
What gender equality are we talking about if, when a woman is compared to a cat, it means that she is sexy, but if a man is compared to a cat, it means that he is obese and lazy?
Psychotherapist for patient:
– Leave your problems behind your door at night.
Patient:
– Do you think my wife will be happy to spend the night in the staircase?
– Honey, I love you and will always be with you!
– Stop threatening me!
When their eyes met, he blushed… And who knows – is it because he was in love, or because he was taking shit behind the garage at that time?
– I met my wife at the disco!
– Oh … it was probably romantic!
– Well, I wouldn’t say that. She thought I was gonna be staying late at work. But I thought that she is home with the kids.