Jokes

Husband to wife:
– Dear, be honest – do you cheat on me on business trips?
Wife:
– Well, I do not even know… When you are not, I become so wild, completely crawling on the walls. Then I fell from the wall, hit my head somewhere, I lost consciousness. It may already be that someone is using this moment…

Two friends meet. One asks:
– How did your vacation go?
Other friend:
– Had a great rest! All panties transported home without putting them on …

Wife to husband:

– Where are you?
– Kitchen.
– Bring the tea to a boil!
– Oh, no, I’m already in the bathroom.
– Put the laundry in the laundry!
– Well, well, I’m actually in the bedroom.
– Screw in the bulb!
– In general, I went to the countryside.
– Bring the potatoes!

Women are not so upset that men only need one of them, and they only need it once …

Peter:
– What would you not want your girl to do in bed?
Janis:
– Snatch!
Peter:
– I think – during sex.
Janis:
– Especially during sex ..

Call a doctor:
– Doctor, come please, I think my wife is dead.
– What happened?
– As if nothing has changed in the bed, but the dirty dishes in the kitchen have become much more.

I like sex with waitresses – I can finally take revenge and ask if everything is fine when they have a full mouth.

I had a headache yesterday, but I still had sex – and I didn’t die, I’m healthy and well. You read that, women?

She: -Say “cunniligus”!
He: -Well “cunnilingus”!
She: -Well, “man and name”?

-Well, daughter, wandered around again, drank, fucked everyone in a row ?!

-Mom, it is not good to envy me…

-Ilze, don’t call men first. They have to call you!
-Why?
-Because you’re a prostitute!

-Oh, guys, don’t pour me in anymore – I’m already what you want me to be!

How to determine on the Internet whether the interlocutor is a little boy or a man? The boy asks to send a picture without clothes, the man without cosmetics

Dace tried to eat “Whiskas”, pee on her shoes, tear wallpaper in the hallway, but nothing helped – the man still called him an elephant, not a kitty.

The first signs of AIDS: hot and heavy breathing in the back and sharp pain in the bottom…

Aaaaa!
He’s calling!
Finally waited!
My sweetheart is calling!
Wait, everyone sit quiet!
Hello, what do you need?
What are you calling?

Two women are talking.
One says, “My husband is a real angel!”
The other: “mine not a man either.”

A man is shopping in a night shop.

– A bottle of vodka…

– You are very welcome.

– Box of sweets and wine.

– You are very welcome.

– And… condoms.

– No condom.

– Then only vodka!