Jokes

For the first time in his life, the manager of a strict car service center decided that his subordinates had done a good job and could go home 4 hours earlier. In this way, he disrupted more than one family.

Late in the evening, a lonely woman walks through the city park. Suddenly a man comes out of the dark alley:

– Oh, how you scared me. I thought – a sexual maniac.

– See how dreamed she is. I was just walking the dog.

After sex, the man gets up, starts to dress: “I will go, I promised my wife to be home sooner”.

She in a sad voice: – Yes, of course, dear, go… TEMPORARY, CHANGE! I BUT AM YOUR WIFE!

A sixty-year-old married a twenty-year-old jade. Colleagues ask:
-Well, what about sex?
-Great! Almost every day!
-In your years?
-Yes, almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday …

– Why are you divorcing your wife?
– Imagine – she was not home all night, but in the morning she said that she had spent the night with her sister!
– Well then ?!
– She’s lying, she’s like that! I spent the night with her sister!

How dishonest! To repair the wiring, call a master, but how to have sex, he himself! But maybe I also want a master!

Where do women have a “G” spot ?! At the end of the word “shopping”.

The man comes home from work, opens the bedroom door open and watches. He looks, stares, and suddenly runs at high speed to a neighbor and says, “Listen, I have an alien in the room, two big cheeks, one eye in the middle, a beard, and saliva.”

The man takes a pack of condoms in the store, rotates…:
– 2 euros for three times…! ??
Wife:
– I did not understand, what gives you cheaper ???

The work party is a success, when you come to work the next morning, the applause of colleagues is spent…

– You see, darling, miracles happen! Today is Saturday night and I am clear as a glass!
– I would not like to upset you, but today is Tuesday evening.

The man enters the public toilet. Enter the booth and start sorting your business. After a while you hear from the next cabin:
– Hi!
Man thinking to answer or not …:
– Hi!
– What are you doing?
– Well, I’m sitting on the toilet!
– Dear …, I’ll call you back. One man is harassing me here!

Student dormitory. Night, darkness, two kisses on the windowsill.
– I love you!
– Me too!
– What’s your name?
– Juris.
– Ptu! The devil me too …!

America. After the date, Peter accompanies the girl home. At the door of her house, when it’s time to divorce, the guy leans against the wall and says:
– Listen, Mary, what about one minute?
– You’re crazy, what’s on the stairs, the neighbors will notice?!?
– Well stunt with the neighbors, please!
– No, it can’t!
– Well, please Mary, you like it!
– I like it already, but I can’t …
At this point, the door opens, the girl’s younger sister comes out and says:
– You know, Dad said that Mary would make Peter a blowjob, or that we would both give him a blowjob, or that he would make a blowjob for himself, or that Father would go down and Peter would give him a blowjob … but remove his hand from the intercom button once. !!!

– Children, the school will give you knowledge that will help you make money in the future…

– Teacher, it is written on the Internet that the most lucrative industry in the world is the arms and drug trade! At what level will we acquire this knowledge?

– I feel dizzy before having sex with a woman.
– Strange, but what do you do before sex with a woman?
– How what? I’ll inflate it…

Over the weekend, two guys on the beach are talking …
– You know … I notice that the jade looks back at you … what’s your secret?
-Well, I put potatoes in my swimwear.
Next weekend is coming, the two meet…
– Well, what success?
– See … as if I put it, but … everyone just looks back with horror …
– Shit! … he needs to be put in front!…

Two students meet after a week and one says:
– The scary shit came after the party we took Zani in front of….
I decided to save money and put on your condom, cut it to the other side, and put it on myself.
– Well and what’s great there?!?
– Zane is pregnant from you, but I got a sweater….