Jokes

They lay quietly in bed after wild sex, he gently stroked her hair, gently ran her fingers over her forehead, cheeks, lips, neck, stroked her firm breasts … He looked at her face for a long time, then whispered: – It’s so sorry you’re made of rubber …

A new drug “Viagra Light” has appeared in pharmacies, after who just wants to kiss

He – gives her flowers.
– Will you come to me as a wife?
– Do you have your own apartment?
– I do not.
– Do you have a BMW?
– nope.
– Do you have a high enough salary?
– (embarrassed) I don’t know.
– Then why do I need you if you have nothing? Leave me alone!
– (thinks to myself) Why do I need an apartment if I have a house… Why do I have a BMW if I have a Ferrari… Why do I get a high salary if I am a business owner…

A careless woman constantly mixed birth control pills and no stress pills.
Now she has ten children and everything in one place!

– Why don’t you shave?
– I don’t have a girl to shave for.
– A for yourself?
– A for myself I bought whiskey…

– My girlfriend hinted,
that wants to get something round for a birthday shiny and with diamonds…
– She thinks She will be very offended, I
f I donate a flex diamond cutting disc?

The teacher asks the students – why is the flatfish flat? Janis says – because she slept with a whale … teacher expells Janis from the class. Immediately after, the teacher asks – and why does cancer have exfoliated eyes? Janis calls from behind the door – because he saw it all.

The dentist corrects the tooth and the phone from the patient’s bag keeps calling for 20 minutes. The dentist can’t stand it, pulls the phone out of his bag, and says “I’ll quit right away, she’ll spit and call you back!”

Husband really wants his wife. He says:

-Well dear maybe we go to the bedroom ??
– The wife answers: -Well somehow uncomfortable, little poy in the room.-
-Don’t worry I’ll take care of everything! Come here soon!
– The father says: -After now look carefully out the window and as soon as you see people in black clothes you will receive 1 euro.- Both go, take and take.
Suddenly you hear: -1 euro After 20 minutes you hear: -2 euro After 30 minutes, Pois says:
-Dad, it would be cheaper for you to buy a prostitute, because the funeral ceremony will be missed immediately ….-

– Did you tell her about your feelings?
– No, she has a boyfriend…
– You’re still waiting and she’ll have kids soon.

Nowadays, women wear wigs,
dyes hair uses excess eyelashes and nails,
performs figure corrections, skin tightening, sews in silicone inserts…
and laments, how hard nowadays to find a real man…

– How old are you?
– 18.
– But four years ago you told me the same thing!
– I am not one of those who say one day and the other.

A dissatisfied lady announces a competition with a big prize for the man who will make her shout: “Enough, enough!” occurs a small man, such an old man, quite a bald head. The others laugh at this, so what are they looking for here, look at what bulls can’t cope with. The old man just smiles and, waiting for the line, walks in … It doesn’t take long when he says, “Enough, enough!” The old man comes out of the house, sweeping his bare head with a big handkerchief and, walking past the surprised competitors, just determines: “Here it is, boys! You have to work with your head!”

What do bungee jumping and prostitution have in common?
– Short pleasure?
– Expensive?
– If the rubber breaks, it is no longer good.

One Frenchman asks another:
– Have you ever seen your husband’s eyes during oral sex?
– Oh yes! I gave a blowjob. Oh God, you should have seen my husband’s eyes when he suddenly entered the room!

I am against sex education at school! Let me decide for myself when to tell my seventeen children about contraception!

A bra with inserts is like a pack of chips. Open, but inside half empty.