Jokes

– Why is sperm in a sperm bank more expensive than blood in a blood bank?
– Handmade…

He was a real loser, he didn’t succeed everywhere. Also in sex.
Even when he called the Sex on the Telephone service, he replied:
– Not today! My ear hurts.

A couple in bed at night. Husband sleeps on his wife’s bustle. Wife in shock:
– What are you doing?
– Catch FM waves
– Then at least the antenna should be plugged in!

The girl opens the door to the gynecologist:
– Doctor, you didn’t have my panties?
– No.
– Well then probably to the dentist ..

A divorced husband meets the ex-wife’s new husband at a party.
After a couple of glasses, he comes to the new man and asks, “Well, how about using second-hand things?”
The young man replies: “Nothing pure, deeper than 6 cm everything is like new.”

A customer has come to the bank and wants to withdraw money.
Cashier: “No money!”
The customer replies, “I really need it.”
Treasurer: “Why?”
Client: “Must pay for the apartment.”
Cashier: “Pay via Internet banking!”
Customer: “Okay, I want to eat too! Give me the money, I’ll go to the restaurant!”
Cashier: “You have a bank card, you will pay with VISA because we cannot give money!”
Client (already thoroughly angry): “Give me money! Maybe I want to take a prostitute!”
The cashier, pointing by hand to the operators: “Please choose!”

The husband noticed that “Olympic” condoms are being sold in the pharmacy. Intrigued, he informs his wife that he has bought a whole package.
– Olympic? She thinks. – and what’s special about it?
– They are available in 3 colors – gold, silver, and bronze.
– And what are you going to use tonight?
– Of course gold!
– Why not silver? It wouldn’t be bad if, after the change, you finish second.

At school on September 1. The teacher gets to know the children and asks who they want to become. One as a police officer, the other as a pilot. Here Jānītis raises his hand.
The teacher asks him, “And you John, who will you be?
“I’ll be a sexologist.”
“How so?”
Jānītis calls the teacher by the window: “Look down there, two women are eating ice cream, one is licking, the other is sucking. Which of them is Married? ”
In ignorance, the teacher replies: “Probably the one who sucks. ”
“No, he who has a ring on his finger! And like you I will treat.”At school on September 1. The teacher gets to know the children and asks who they want to become. One as a police officer, the other as a pilot. Here Jānītis raises his hand.
The teacher asks him, “And you John, who will you be?
“I’ll be a sexologist.”
“How so?”
Jānītis calls the teacher by the window: “Look down there, two women are eating ice cream, one is licking, the other is sucking. Which of them is Married? ”
In ignorance, the teacher replies: “Probably the one who sucks. ”
“No, he who has a ring on his finger! And like you I will treat.”

The little one comes from school so sad: “Dad, I had sex with a teacher today.” Daddy is happy: “Piggy boy! Already in the fourth grade! Well Done! I only attended the lecturer in the first year of the institute! Let’s go to the store, son, I’ll give you a new bike for this move! ” “Dad, let’s go better tomorrow. Today the ass hurts… ”

Janitis to dad:
-Dad, tell me what is politics?
-Well look like our family. I make money, so I’m the Ministry of Finance. Mom runs the farm, so she is the government. Grandpa is keeping order at home, so he is a union. The housekeeper does all the housework, she is a businessman and a worker. Everything we do is for you, so you are a nation, but your younger brother is our future.
Understand?
-No.
-Well then go to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Jānītis wakes up from his brother’s cry, he runs to wake his mother, but he doesn’t get up. Then he goes to look for the Father and finds him in the kitchen, where he fucks the housewife, and his grandfather watches it all through the doorway. After all this, Jānītis returned to his bedroom. In the morning he meets his father and says.
– Dad, Dad I understood what politics is.
– Well?
– This is when the Ministry of Finance is fucking entrepreneurs, the government is asleep at the time, but the trade union is watching it all through its fingers. At the same time to the nation, everyone spit, but the future is shit.

– My boyfriend is so selfish!
– What happened?
– He bought such a condom at the pharmacy! With balls, grooves, bumps…
– That’s great!
– He put it on the “hook” of the car.

– Doctor, when I’m with my wife, I get a member all the time on boots
watching!
– Put the boots in the closet! Next one!

– Doctor, I’m pregnant, but the baby is sleeping something wrong!
– Nationality?
– Jewish.
– It will turn! Next one!

– Doctor, my head hurts here, ass here!

– There will be tablets, break in half and drink alternately! Next one!

– Doctor, I’m scared of anything all the time, for no reason!

– Sister, purgenu! The drink will be the reason for you. Next one!

– Doctor, I’m peeing with two jets!

– Put there button, there will be four. Next one!

– Doctor, I have a cough.

– Sister, purgenu! Now don’t joke, don’t even try. Next one!

– Doctor, I have diarrhea all the time, I run to the toilet 10 times a day.

– Sister, purgenu! You will not run anymore, you will live there too! Next one!