Jokes

– Girl, how old are you?
– 19.
– But yo will not give me immediately.
– Why not? I will …

Buyer’s sex show:
– I want to buy these phallus imitators – blue, green and red.
Seller:
– Please be blue here, green here. We don’t sell red – it’s … a fire extinguisher.

The man wakes up in the morning. Patched bed on the left – empty. Feel the bed to the right – empty. Lift the blanket, look under it:
– Well, what are we standing for? What are we waiting for? …

The boy asks his mother:
– How did I get there?
– We found you in cabbage.
– And what about the little sister?
– We found him in a rose.
The next day after the conversation, Pois enters the room where the parents have sex and thoughtfully asks:
– Well, what gardening work continues?

Night. One-bedroom apartment. The parents have decided to make love, but the mother breaks:
– What if Jānītis doesn’t sleep?

Father:
– It’s been a long time! You have to go! Are you sleeping? Bring water!

Silence.
“Well, you see, he’s been sleeping for a long time,” says his father, and sets about.

This is how the process takes place, until after a few minutes a dissatisfied child’s voice is heard:
– And how long will I have to stand here with that water?

In the pharmacy
-I’m asking for condoms!
-Do you need a bag?
-No, thank you she is beautiful.

A vibrator and a banana lie on the table. Banana for vibrator:
What are you shaking about? For the first time?

The main difference between matches and women’s breasts:
Matches are for adults, but sometimes children play with them.
Women’s breasts, on the other hand, are intended for children, but very often and adults like to play with them.

The mother asks her daughter:
– Just say frankly, there was nothing between you?
– What you mother, absolutely nothing. There was not even a condom.

Runs a kitty along the way and sees a charming kitten. He approaches her and asks:
-Wow, maybe we could both make Meow together?
Kitten:
– Do you have meow-money?
Kitty:
– No meow-money for me.
Kitten:
– Well, if you have a mouse Meow, then among us than Meow, she turns around and leaves.
Kitty sits on such a slump on the road and pulls it back:
-Bittttt-meow-itch!

Two friends talk about sex. One tells:
– You know, I have a really good way. I remove the door from the cabinet, place one end on the bed, the other latch against the cabinet to form a 45-degree slope. Then I lean on the closet and sled downstairs, but the wife with her legs spread is already waiting …
On the second day, a friend calls:
– Listen, tell me I took the key out of the door, couldn’t you?!?!

Grandmother for grandson:

– Here, grandson, to make you feel safe and confident with the girls, I gave you a condom …

Once upon a time, there lived a woman named Ilga Bauda. She married Janis Stāvus and decided to keep both surnames. Judge the result yourself!

Tip for a man looking for the other half:
“If you have a small kitchen – look for a slim wife, but if you need to fill a space in a large kitchen, look at those soft ones.”

An extraordinary meeting of nuns in the monastery:
“There has been a man in our territory tonight!”
All: “Ā-ā-ā!”
One: “Hi-hi-hi!”
“A condom has been found!”
All: “Ā-ā-ā!”
One: “Hi-hi-hi!”
“There was a hole in the condom.”
All: “Hi-hi-hi!”
One: “Ā-ā-ā!”

The man enters the public house and says:
– I’m asking for a girl with big breasts and a small ass.
– Yes, right now, sit down for now, read the magazines.
After a moment, the speaker announces:
– Sir, with long arms and a short cock, please go to the fourth room.

The son goes to his father, sees that he is masturbating.
-Daddy what are you doing?
-Emmm .. I’m warming up!
After a while the son comes:
-Dad I was warming up and the heater spit in my eye! And I cut off his tip!

The guy kisses the girl in the stairwell, the girl says:
– Unscrew the bulb, put it in my mouth.
Guy:
– Who are you stupid? It’s hot!