Jokes
Man sits down at the bar and orders 10 shots. Bartender goes “Jesus, you celebrating something?” The man answers, “Why yes, my first blow job” The bartender congratulates the man and offers the 11th shot on the house. The man, however, declines the offer. “If 10 doesn’t get rid of the taste, 11 sure as hell won’t”.
Don’t believe the Kamasutra! There are only two positions in sex: either you or to you!
It would be cool if food was like sex: I want to eat – I turn on a video where others are eating, I stick my tongue out – and I’m full.
– I heated the soup for you already for the second time. The plate is on the table, go eat.
– Ok, let it stand – don’t be offended.
– You will ask me for sex next time – I will answer you in the same way.
A jealous wife to her husband who is looking for a new secretary:
– Don’t even try to hire the young and hot one! Hire a married woman, aged, preferably overweight – so that she does not excite you even in your thoughts!
– No problem, dear. Can you start on Monday?
Two Jews are sitting. One says:
– Izja, my Sara needs sex every day. And I’m not young anymore, so I can’t do that anymore.
– Ábram, I warned you many years ago: don’t marry an ugly woman, no one will help you.
– You know the saying – good sex ends after the wedding.
– It’s not true, I don’t have it like that, for example.
– Really?
– I didn’t have good sex even before the wedding.
Question on Radio Armenia:
– Can a man and a woman be friends without sex?
– Yes. If they are married.
Igor always offered his beloved to take a shower together. She loved it, it was so sexy! And only later did she find out that Igor is a rare miser and simply saves water.
Many women close their eyes during sex because they want to imagine that their man is rich.
Evening, bed, husband and wife about to have sex.
– Honey, turn off the light. It bothers me.
– What exactly bothers you?
– I can see you…
– For me, sex is like the thirteenth salary.
– As a nice bonus?
– No, once a year, but you can also not get it.
Not all men fall asleep immediately after sex. Some have to get up and lock the door behind the woman.
– Bastard, you only used me for sex!
– I don’t understand something. Do you also want to peel potatoes for those 100 euros?
Some inexperienced pickpocketer accidentally brought his victim to orgasm.
– When was the last time you had sex?
– It wasn’t the last time yet!
Guys, take note. If your wife says, “Honey, I want to give you a threesome for your birthday. Which of my friends would you like to do it with?”, never say two names.