Jokes

It is the duty of the police to keep order. They are not interested in disorder.

.. The man in the bar:
– I would like a chiwhirzdnercilmashkishbrangaldmeck with lemon!
Bartender:
– Chiwhirzdnercilmashkishbrangaldmeck with what ???

– Did you buy a new car?
– Yes!
– What year?
– 1999.
– Wow! Then she’s an adult! Now you can screw her!

My boyfriend thinks I’m too curious.
At least that’s what his diary says.

– Hi, honey? What do you like better: peaches or bananas?
– Are you in the market or the supermarket?
– Oh no, I wandered into the sex shop…

The phrase “all men are the same” must have been invented by a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.

Son asks the father:
– But how does a snake talk.
Father looking at mother-in-law:
– Why are you silent? Your grandchild is interested!

The wife says to the husband:
– In all my life I have had only two real men!
– Who is the second one?
– You don’t know the first either.

– Young man, are you already 18?
– But I’m buying juice!?
– I’m just interested because I’m a free woman!

Don’t run after money. Wealth is not in the outside world, but in yourself. For example, your kidney.

The headline in the newspaper “The village is looking for a pedophile”, as it turned out, wasn’t a job offer advertisement…

– Do you like water?
– Yes.
– Great! So you already like 70% of me…

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock this morning.

What color panties does the deaf-mute buy for his girlfriend?
Transparent to be able to read her lips.

I thought about what it would be like if I had threesome, but then I realized – if I want to disappoint two people at once, then I’d better go to dinner with my parents.

The husband looks through the bills and says to his wife:
– If you knew how to cook, we would save a lot of money by not eating in restaurants.
– Well, if you knew how to make love, we’d save a lot of money by firing the gardener.

Two old men are sitting on a park bench and talking.
The first says:
– Hey, do you like to use a condom during sex?
Other angrily replies:
– Are you crazy? There is everything already hung down, and for me to add extra weight?

A policeman arrests a prostitute who tried to work on the street:
– Haven’t you thought, miss, of what your mother would say if she knew what you were doing out here in the street?
The woman answers:
– She would probably hit me, because this is her corner.