Jokes

The wife returns home and tells her husband:
– I was just at a cat show. Everyone was so beautiful there! Of course, I love our Murīte, but compared to others, he is a complete freak.
– How I understand you. While you were at the exhibition, the Miss World competition was shown on TV…

– You know, since we got to know each other, I can’t eat, drink, drink or smoke …
– What, are you so caught up in me?
– Well no, just the money ran out.

The man comes home in the evening, cursing loudly and rudely.
Wife:
– What happened?
– Ben Laden is a fool!
– Dear, do not get nervous. Tell us what happened!
– I come to work, there is an envelope on the table. I open – and there’s white powder …
Wife in horror:
– Anthrax?
– No, std’s!

A man will run into the police station:

– Please arrest me, I’ll hit my wife!

– Is she dead?

– No, not even a scratch.

– Then nothing special.  You can go!

– Not for nothing, she’s right outside the door!

Late at night, tired, the husband reappears. Wife screams:
– Where were you?
“Dear, you are a wise woman to me,” says the man, “come up with something yourself.”

Conversation between two wives:
-Do you know what could be worse than a man who doesn’t come home on time?
-What?
-Husband who arrives untimely…

– Hello Darling! I’m in the sauna. Everything here is exactly as you always say: no women, just old men.

– Honey, is it true that bunnies are the stupidest animals?
– Yes, my bunny.

Father of a small son:
– The stork will bring you a little brother!
“I don’t understand you, Dad, so many women, but you’re going to fuck those storks.”

He gave her a scales for her birthday, she gave him a ruler

Wife to husband:
– When will you be home?

Husband to wife:
– When you finally remember that on Fridays I come home on Saturday

I always wonder about people who go home from work to have lunch. How do their nerves withstand going to work twice a day?

The wife comes in to the neighbor and says, “My man is no longer sleeping with me, he somehow avoids sex, what should I do?”

The neighbor thought, “When a man comes from work, meet him in the bedroom, for example, naked and on all fours with the bottom to the door, he will definitely climb on top of you and then you will have sex.”

The prince kissed the sleeping beauty, but she turned to the side with the words “Five more minutes” and pulled the blanket over her head.

What words do I say most often during sex? You will not believe: – Murmur, out of bed!

– I need urgent psychological rehabilitation.
– Come here, let’s get together!
– You’re a real friend.

– Dear, will you buy me a rug?
– Too much will, just fly on the broom for now.

– How long will you wander around to other women? We already have three children, and none of them are from you!