Tip for a man looking for the other half:
“If you have a small kitchen – look for a slim wife, but if you need to fill a space in a large kitchen, look at those soft ones.”

Tinder is for rookies!

Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It will show you recently divorced females.

From there you can filter by size.

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A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, “There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, “What’s so funny?” She says, “I’m imagining how they make condoms.”

Vienai sievietei bija trīs meitas. Kad vecākā apprecējās un devās prom uz dzīvi pie vīra, māte palūdza, lai meita atsūta vēstuli par savu intīmo dzīvi. Pēc divām nedēļām atnāk vēstule, kurā rakstīts tikai viens vārds: Nescafe. Mamma sākumā neko nesaprata,bet pēc tam netīšām avīzē ieraudzīja Nescafe reklāmu: “Bauda līdz pēdējai pilei,” un ļoti nopriecājās par meitu.
Pēc tam apprecējās vidējā meita, kurai mamma lūdza to pašu.
Pēc nedēļas atnāk vēstule no meitas: Benson&Hedges. Mamma sāk visās avīzēs meklēt minēto cigarešu reklāmu. Drīz viņa atrada tekstu: “Extra Long, King Size,” un atkal nopriecājās par meitu.
Un beidzot pienāca kārta apprecēties jaunākajai meitai.
Tikai pēc pāris mēnešiem māte saņēma vēstuli: British Airways. Māte atrada avīzi ar aviokompānijas reklāmu un izlasot tekstu, zaudēja samaņu: “Trīs reizes dienā, septiņas dienas nedēļā, visos virzienos”.

One woman had three daughters. When the elder married and went to live with her husband, the mother asked her daughter to send a letter about her intimate life. Two weeks later, a letter arrives with only one word written: Nescafe. Mom didn’t understand at first, but then accidentally saw Nescafe’s ad in the newspaper: “Enjoy until the last drop,” and was very happy about her daughter. The middle daughter then married, to whom her mother asked for the same. A week later, a letter arrives from her daughter: Benson & Hedges. Mom starts looking for an ad for that cigarette in all the newspapers. She soon found the text, “Extra Long, King Size,” and rejoiced over her daughter. And finally, it was time to marry the youngest daughter. Only a few months later, the mother received a letter: ”British Airways”. The mother found a newspaper with an airline ad and, reading the text, lost consciousness: “Three times a day, seven days a week, in all directions.”