Men are able to separate sex from love in their minds. Women apparently not. There is already a grain of truth there, only greatly exaggerated. Maybe it’s easier for men to live with the knowledge that everyone they’ve slept with loves them madly?
The first man I slept with without falling in love with him was my classmate. We were green cucumbers. I won’t say that I hated him, but I hadn’t registered him in the category of desirable men either. The student party lasted until dawn, there was a lot of cheap wine, clever conversations and fun dancing. By coincidence, we were the last couple on the dance floor until we discovered that all possible sleeping places in the rented apartment were already occupied. We had to take our winter coats and those of our friends and make a den under the kitchen table.
We got one blanket for both. He pressed me close to him in a friendly way. After a moment I felt that he’s hard. It happens. Boy penises are uncontrollable creatures. Normally, in a situation like this, I would have thrown in a friendly joke to resolve the awkward situation, but for some reason I didn’t.
He whispered if I could, and I whispered yes. He pulled down my panties, slid his fingers into my crotch and panted like an animal. My body reacted violently – I had never felt such a strong physiological desire before. At that time, I was a beautiful and romantic virgin who had lost my virginity only a year ago because I followed my mother’s good advice to only sleep with guys who really like me and who I really like (not giving it without love, so to speak).
He got me very quickly, very quietly and awkvardly. I didn’t have an orgasm because after a minute he finished. For which he whispered many apologies. I didn’t make his future life and self-confidence any easier, because I was ashamed to admit that in my twenties I only reached orgasms by masturbating and I had no idea how to get them with a man.
In the morning, no miracles happened – I had not suddenly fallen in love with him or planned our wedding in my mind.
We didn’t become a couple, everything was buried under the table. But our awkward sex became an unforgettable experience. The sound of him gasping. The feeling of my stomach literally aching with lust. I used this memory countless times while masturbating.
Male and female brains
There is an opinion that there are two separate drawers in men’s brains – love and sex. For women, it is one drawer. That is completely messed up. When the husband and father of the family, caught in cheating, kneels down and tells his wife that it doesn’t mean anything, that he doesn’t love the other woman, he loves you, it was just sex, the wife doesn’t believe and doesn’t understand.
Meanwhile, the mistress has long been convinced that this man loves her, not his wife, because he is sleeping with her.
There is a reflector in women’s brains that says – if he desires me, then he will love me and marry me.
All in all, this is an interesting theory. It turns out that only men have the ability to feel purely sexual desire. “Want” and “need” is a male thing. But for women, sex is just a side effect of loving feelings – a beautiful part of a relationship. Even modern sexologists continue to tell us that a woman’s desire is related to her world of emotions and feelings. She needs romantic dates, candles, roses, a bubble bath and beautiful words to open her up sexually.
In order to have an orgasm, a woman needs a sense of security (he will not leave me and will love our children) and a long, masterful foreplay. And unless she falls asleep during the long foreplay, after all the effort, the man can hope for the ultimate prize – her big O. Maybe I’m not normal and I have a secret cock growing inside me. Because nothing scares me as much as the thought of a foaming bath surrounded by burning candles, like a coffin at the funeral of an untimely deceased, in which you now have to lie down, sigh with pleasure, allow yourself to be massaged and endlessly kissed. And finally, you must clearly indulge in sex… Redeem!
There are days, moments and situations when I just really want it. To fuck. Like right now. And it has nothing to do with roses, my work schedule, stress levels, or love and promises.
There are men whom I sexually desire like crazy, but would never consider their candidacy for any kind of relationship. I don’t even like them from the bottom of my heart, because there is nothing to like – macho-type cocky peacocks, masterful Casanovas with severe signs of clinical narcissism. But I want to do it with them. Just sex. Loads of sex.
The second time
We ran into each other at a friend’s wedding. We did not know each other, but each of us was a close friend of the newlywed couple, which gives the feeling that you are not completely strangers. He was married, but he came without a wife, because they just had a baby. Nice start, isn’t it? I was married, but the marriage was falling apart, so my husband “didn’t make it” to the wedding. But who cares?
We were seated next to each other with no obscene intent. And we danced, because we were grown people without obscene intentions, but with the desire to have a good time at a boring wedding (for God’s sake, all weddings are boring!). We danced foor too long. Until he very directly offered me to go to his room. I showed real indignation – what are you thinking? Who do you think I am, you fool? Then the interesting part began. The man simply said: ‘well, please’… And even something as stupid as: ‘is that so difficult for you?’ I got a laugh.
Living in a marriage crisis, I hadn’t laughed heartily in a long time.
No, it’s not difficult! And I went with him. I didn’t feel the slightest excitement, maybe just fun interest. He rushed to follow every possible foreplay manual. Undress slowly, kiss on the neck, caress the breasts, give masterful oral sex. Totally wrong in that situation. Too much, too sweet and out of place. And, to my own surprise, I allowed myself to be harsh. ‘Stop that’ I told him. Don’t try so hard, please. Just go for it. About three days after this event, I began to analyze what really happened in our bed. It was a wild, fabulous ‘go for it’.
We just fucked. We went crazy. We got each other without trying to please the other, to satisfy the other. A complete sense of freedom. The comfort of strangers? Keep calm! It was pure, no strings attached sex. No trembling of the soul, no hopes and no fears. Don’t worry that something may go wrong. No feelings of guilt – like animals who do the deed, and go their separate ways in the forest. Super!
Foreplay
I’ve never analyzed why I have such good sex with men I don’t love or even have feelings for. Probably because the sexual life with my loved ones and my husband has been completely satisfactory and I have not felt any frightening contrast between my parners and strangers. However – where is the difference?
Is the answer as simple as having sex with a stranger is more exciting? I say no.
The answer is healthy indifference! When a woman loves, she wants to be liked. Anticipating possible lovemaking, she plucks the last feather on her body, prepares and gets nervous. In the beginning, she even pretends to have an orgasm to please her hero. Poor him is also stressing. Both want to give the best performance. But the success story begins when all this shit ends. When a couple comes to terms with what is normal – that sometimes he can’t, sometimes she can’t finish… Because life is life. New burdens come: children, household, money, whirlwinds of relationships, disappointments. And sex really does become part of the relationship.
Normally, it should be. It’s the best thing that can happen. But we know that lust dries up like a puddle in the sun on this beautiful path of coexistence. Men usually pull away first. While women want the same thing – to go for simple, unmediated lust and sex. To fuck because you want to. With or without orgasm – women want sex! The more a woman is over 30, the more she wants it. And there is no more terrible force in the world than a dissatisfied woman.
I can bet my teeth and hair that half of divorced marriages and broken love couples can be attributed to the sexual dissatisfaction of women, not men.
Because someone long ago wrote the definition that a man needs sex, but a woman needs a sense of security and tenderness. Although a man also needs tenderness and security. And sex for a woman. A lot, hot and heavy.
The third experience
Oh, it was the worst thing that can be imagined – real Casanova and bunch of beautiful texts, a real pussy predator. I knew it. And I wanted it. You know, Casanovas have only one good quality – they really like women. They are crazy about making love and it’s exciting. Personally, male lust has always been the strongest aphrodisiac for me. The stronger you want me, the more I want you. No foreplay stands close to this.
Pussy Predator was excellent at his job. Willing, a good lover like an experienced airplane pilot. Purred and fucked me four hours with short breaks for talking and smoking. A bottle of water for dry mouths and a tube of lubricant stood by the bed, almost for medicinal purposes. Wanting, friction, lubing, friction.
Love? Feelings? The gentle soul of a woman? Sorry, call me tomorrow, I’m busy right now… I wouldn’t have called him the next morning myself.
I knew I would get up, get dressed, and leave without a goodbye kiss and a text. But ready to repeat the good sex even tomorrow. Which we did. Like rabbits. It was the best loveless sex of my life. My indifference was the sail of the great sex regatta. Because I wasn’t in love with him. We honestly used each other for pleasure. I did crazy things and indulged in crazy things that were not yet marked on my sexual experience map. Fingers and tongues where they don’t usually wander.
Complete ignorant to the fact that someone has not finished – let’s try in the next round! Weird positions that turned out to be very comfortable. After that, I asked myself the question – why haven’t I done it in a loving relationship? Why not with my husband? Well why? I don’t think it’s my individual problem. It’s a system. A system of relationships and sex that both men and women are subject to. In relationships, we are afraid, we try, we keep silent. Because, god forbid, we will oversalt or burn the fragile soup of coexistence. Loveless sex allows us to be the sexual animals that we really are. No roses and no regrets.
What I understood myself – sex without love can be colossal. The best. Especially for a woman.
It frees you from being overweight, having a bad hair day, being a mom, and many more barriers. We, dear girls, are loaded with so many ideas, desires and preferences like donkeys! Asleep in a dream of a white dress, babies and happily ever after. Later – with the fear that we are no longer desirable, aging and all the trains have left… Nonsense!
I remember a conversation with my friend, who is probably the only real male friend in my life, because there was never any gender tension between us. He said that he divides women into two categories – those he wants to flirt with and those he loves and desires as a future wife and mother. I realized that girls who indulged in dull sex on the first date and didn’t offer their phone number in the morning will definitely not be on the list of mothers. So, in his view, I wouldn’t be a mother material either.
Apparently, men don’t know that women also have two drawers in their brains: mommy and sex departments. That women also sometimes really want to fall in love with almost anyone!
They also have that divine navel itch. And it doesn’t affect their moms drawer in any way. This is also where the greatest sorrow begins. Men tend to treat their wives as wives and mothers. Out of goodwill, they begin to treat the woman as a patient – they do this, that and something else in the recommended order, otherwise the woman will not reach climax… Sex becomes care. Third pension level. And disappointment if the result is not achieved.
Men are overinformed and scared – if you don’t start with a gift, sweet words and endless foreplay by candlelight, nothing will happen! I hope you have a sexier relationship experience. Mine is exactly like this – as soon as love and a serious relationship start, a man starts to take care of you in bed until you both lose interest in this process. I should have said it openly. But it is very difficult to hurt and offend the one you love. It’s easier to sleep and make out with someone you don’t love and come home bright as an angel. Just like men do.
Fourth and the last one
And then there was him. A handsome, smart, energetic and absolutely lovely man, I couldn’t possibly fall in love with him, even if he wanted to. I really hoped that the magical click would happen, because such sensible men don’t hang around on the street. If I had fallen in love with him, we might be living happily ever after today. But you won’t command your heart, really – no matter how silly it sounds. I had survived great love, marriage, divorce, love again. And I knew that at that time I only wanted sex. Exactly sex and exactly with this man. His legs entwined with mine, hands everywhere, his cock in my vagina, animalistic sounds and a hot breath against my ear.
Because a woman’s sexuality and lust are no different from a man’s desire. Maybe only with frequency, because scientists have measured that a man thinks about sex fifteen times a day.
I think about it once, never, or five times a day, depending on who knows what. And it has nothing to do with love. I know that I am capable of what love requires – ecstatic trembling, trust, concession, understanding, habitual tenderness, sensitivity, inclusion of the other in my egoistic world map. Making love with your loved one is bingo! But, for the science of horror, I can separate these things.
Enjoying sex with those I don’t love. To be a caring mother. And with a great sense of responsibility I recommend this move to other women – sex without love! It’s a mighty journey. It doesn’t lead to a sweet, fluff-lined communal nest with happy babies. It leads to who knows where – to self-discovery, release, letting off steam, satisfaction, orgasms and memories that create orgasms. To an understanding of the soul and body of a man who is so different and so much like us. Because we are all human.
With a thirst for love and a willful, uncontrollable lust. Sex without love opened another door for me called unconditional love. Sounds absurd? But when you have opened up to the other and given yourself and taken from him, at the same time not asking for anything or expecting anything, and not grieving for anything… then you understand what that unconditional being is like. This is not romantic love. It is a human agreement to give and take without debt. This skill is worth its weight in gold.