The offer of BDSM toys is huge, but remember – the quality of the experience does not depend on the number of sex toys available to you. In this case, more is not always better.
BDSM toys fall into several categories:
Handcuffs are one of the main attributes of BDSM and are also recommended for beginners. You can choose soft and fluffy or slightly rougher classic handcuffs made of metal or leather.
Restrains are used to limit your senses and movements. The main types are:
Ropes
Straps
Bondage tape
Shackles used to attach a person to a bed
Metal arm and leg clamps
Mouth plugs
Leashes
Blinders
Masks
Nipple clampsand pumps are used for breast stimulation.
Penis and testicle clamps – Strengthens a man’s penis for a better erection. Testicular clamps are designed for sadomasochistic games.
Chastity belt – A toy that prevents a man from reaching orgasm, can be used as a means of torture.
Medical devices – Help to change the anatomy of the body (dilate the vaginal canal, stretch, lengthen the penis, etc.) or massage the body.
Electrical stimulation– Various electrical devices designed to stimulate different parts of the body. Electrical stimulation devices send electrical impulses and cause a small electric shock.
Fetish clothing – Men’s and women’s clothing adapted for BDSM games, usually made of latex.
BDSM furniture – Furniture for extreme activities for experienced BDSM practitioners (cages, swings, chairs, etc.).
The acronym BDSM refers to sexual acts and hobbies related to showing power, control and humility in a relationship. It is sometimes mistakenly believed that these actions always lead to sexual intercourse. This is not true at all, as BDSM may also not be associated with sex.
The acronym consists of the terms:
B – Bondage
D – Dominance
S – Sadism
M – Mazochism
What beginners need to know?
If you have decided to try some BDSM, it’s normal that it may seem complicated, confusing, and even scary at first, so here are some guidelines you can follow.
Talk about it with your partner – BDSM doesn’t start in a physical, but in a psychological and emotional relationship, so first find out if you both want the same thing. Talk about your fears, desires and things you don’t want to do. An open conversation can ease tension and discomfort, as well as increase mutual trust, which is important in BDSM activities.
Take care of your sex toys – the range of BDSM toys is confusingly large, so start with easier-to-use toys such as handcuffs, whips or feathers for tickling. If you choose more sophisticated toys, be sure to read their instructions and don’t be afraid to learn if you do not understand how to use them. A lot of useful information can be found online, for example, here.
Discuss the scenario – you will feel much safer if you think about how your BDSM games might look. The online magazine Bustle has a great list of things to start with. For instance:
Mild to moderate hair pulling,
Gentle slap,
Use of rude language,
Binding with a scarf,
Tieing to the bed,
Biting,
Use of various sex toys,
Hot wax.
The most important thing is safety – don’t forget that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. BDSM is not a competition – who will suffer more pain or break more boundaries. It is a practice based on trust and a strong emotional connection.
Mutual consent and the safeword
Any participant must be aware that the safeword is essential to any BDSM activity. When the word is spoken, any action taken at that time must be stopped. The safeword can be any word that is not used in normal BDSM practice. It is not advisable to choose the word “stop”, as it is often used in various teasing games. It is better to choose words that are not completely related to sex, such as “tree” or similar.
A “traffic light system” is also often used. “Green” means that what the partner is doing is acceptable and he or she can continue. “Yellow” means that you need a break for a moment and you have almost reached your limit. “Red“, of course, means that the partner’s activities must be stopped immediately. The BDSM rules are strict, so you must agree on what and how you will do before any activity begins.
BDSM dictionary
As BDSM is a very broad and versatile field, it is worth getting to know its rules. You can read more about the terms and concepts here, but below are the main keywords for BDSM:
Aftercare – When the BDSM act is over, it is necessary to take care of each other emotionally and physically. Usually the dominant partner takes care of the submissive.
Age play – When one of the partners takes on the role of an older person and the other on the role of a younger one. For example, stepfather and daughter.
Breath play – One partner has complete control over the other’s breathing (this includes strangulation, holding their breath, etc.).
Drop – A feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion after an act of BDSM. This can be experienced by both the dominant and the submissive partner. May cause sadness, crying, trembling.
Dungeon – A place where BDSM games take place. It can be a house, an apartment, a club or any other specially furnished room.
Gender play – When partners play the role of the opposite sex.
Hard limits – Restrictions that a person will not do in BDSM activities.
Impact play – When the action involves striking the body with various instruments (hand, stick, whip, etc.).
Role play – When people accept a different identity during an act. For example, a doctor, a police officer, a student, a teacher, etc.
Soft limits – Things a person might want to try.
24/7 – When people are regularly (24 hours a day, seven days a week) involved in BDSM activities.
Vanilla sex – A sexual relationship that does not involve any BDSM practice.
Every healthy, sexually active person at least sometimes comes up with some sexual fantasies. They can often seem shameful, or it may seem that you are the only one in the world. However, this is not true and you can breathe easier. We all have fantasies, and a study by Canadian scientists has shown that most people have very similar sexual fantasies. The survey, which involved more than one and a half thousand people, revealed that people fantasize about almost the same things. For example, more than 80% of respondents (both men and women) fantasize about having sex in an unusual place.
But many are also interested in the secrets of BDSM. A 2016 study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that 47% of women and 60% of men are aroused by the idea of dominance in sexual relations.
What is BDSM?
The acronym BDSM refers to sexual acts and hobbies related to the exercise of power in a relationship, control and humility. It is sometimes mistaken to believe that these actions always lead to sexual intercourse, but BDSM may also not be related to sex.
The acronym consists of several concepts:
B – Bondage
D – Dominance
S – Sadism
M – Mazochism
Although at first glance these actions may seem against the partner’s will, one of the key features of BDSM is mutual consent. This practice is based on mutual trust and respect, there is no forcing, all rules and restrictions are discussed in advance.
What does BDSM consist of?
1. Bondage and discipline
This part of the BDSM involves a variety of restraints that are usually performed with special ropes, shackles or handcuffs – the hands and sometimes the legs are fastened. This fantasy is extremely popular. The Japanese equivalent of this practice is called “shibari” – it could be called a separate branch of erotic art, because professional shibari masterpieces look really impressive and take a long time to create.
2. Domination and humility
In BDSM practice, one partner almost always holds a dominant position, while the other obeys them. Otherwise they are also called a master/king/lord and a slave. This type of relationship is special not only because it has a very clear division of power. The dominant and obedient position often becomes not only a one-time thing, but also becomes a permanent part of everyday life. Then it is called a “Total Power Exchange”.
When people are in such a relationship, the master has complete control over every slave’s step. The slave cannot do anything without the master’s knowledge. Open communication, trust and clear boundaries are especially important in this practice, otherwise 100% obedience to another can end really bad.
3. Sadism and masochism
BDSM is probably most commonly associated with sadism and masochism. The sadist enjoys humiliating and hurting another, but the masochist enjoys the pain and abuse they have experienced. It is very important to listen to your partner at this point, as violating the set limits can cause serious injuries. Often sadistic and masochistic games balance on the very narrow boundary between serious physical trauma and pleasure. Pain can be given in many different ways: nipple clamps, whips, medical devices, and so on.
Mutual consent and the safeword
It is very important to emphasize once again the importance of the above consent in BDSM games. The acronym SSC perfectly defines the most important principles of this practice – Safe, Sane, Consensual.
Any participant must be aware that the safeword is essential to any BDSM activity. When the word is spoken, any action taken at that time must be stopped. The safeword can be any word that is not used in normal BDSM practice. It is not advisable to choose the word “stop”, as it is often used in various teasing games. It is better to choose words that are not completely related to sex, such as “tree” or similar.
A “traffic light system” is also often used. “Green” means that what the partner is doing is acceptable and he or she can continue. “Yellow” means that you need a break for a moment and you have almost reached your limit. “Red“, of course, means that the partner’s activities must be stopped immediately. The BDSM rules are strict, so you must agree on what and how you will do before any activity begins.
