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Tag: fraud

  • Experience stories – what are the most common reasons for mistrust

    Experience stories – what are the most common reasons for mistrust

    Reasons for mistrust can be divided into three categories: firstly, personal problems and beliefs, secondly, disagreements with a partner, and thirdly, surrounding factors such as business trips, alcohol, online dating. In addition, people perceive mistrust differently – for someone, flirting does not seem special, but for others it may be related to fraud; someone can consider mistrusting a celebrity’s admiration, watching pornographic movies, etc. to be distrustful. Sexual relationships are, of course, considered the ultimate form of mistrust, but emotional mistrust is no less painful.

    Continuing the previous topic of what not to do when learning about a partner’s distrust , let’s look at the real reasons for people’s distrust, and learn from the mistakes of others and try to avoid it ourselves.

    Loneliness fraud

    “I had to go abroad to work. Without being next to a partner, I felt frustrated and lonely, online communication could in no way replace direct communication. I met a guy, it was a nice excitement, but I tried to tell myself – we are just friends. But then we became more than friends. Almost a year later I returned home. I accidentally left my Facebook account turned on on my partner’s computer – so he found out about my distrust. There were long, painful conversations, later we tried to move to an open relationship, but we failed, we divorced. A few years later, I learned that my new partner was unfaithful to me. It was extremely painful, I couldn’t accept any of his explanations, unfortunately I’m alone now. “

    Distancing from each other

    “I was unfaithful because I felt dissatisfied with our relationship, my partner became careless, we didn’t talk anymore. After what happened, I immediately confessed in distrust. My ex-partner is now one of my closest friends. It’s unfortunate that there wasn’t enough wisdom at the time – in the end, I could tell right away how I felt. “

    Indulge in the charm of the moment

    “Not thinking about the consequences, I went to the left because of my stupidity. I met a woman, she sent appropriate signals, I pulled without thinking much.

    “At that time, I deliberately did not want to think about the consequences of my actions. At that point, everything was simple and good. I was satisfied. ”

    After many years, I felt that I had grown out of this pattern of behavior and no longer wanted to do it. True love for the woman also helped. ”

    In search of intrigue

    “I was unfaithful to my first wife because I wanted intrigue – new acquaintances, excitement, hiding so as not to be caught. My second wife is my partner in every way, we have lived together for 15 years, all this time there have been no thoughts of mistrust. Whether the other learns of distrust or not, he leaves a wound in the relationship that does not heal anyway. One big wound or a few smaller ones – and the relationship ends. I think the secret novel is a seeming victory, but in fact I was a loser – that’s why I confessed to my wife. “

    For self-assessment

    “I was distrustful because I had low self-esteem. I felt insecure, I wanted my partner to focus only on me. If he didn’t hear me, I felt unhappy. One night I was at a party, a man started flirting with me, and everyone already understands what it ended up with.

    “Since then, I have promised myself that I will never hurt my partner again, and I have learned that there is no need to look for solutions to an internal problem outside the relationship.”

    I still lack self-confidence, but that’s my problem, not my partner’s – I’m not raising my self-confidence by cheating. “

    Desire for sexual diversity

    I realized I shouldn’t cheat on my partner, but I couldn’t stop. I think I’m ready for a monogamous relationship right now, but I choose polygamy because it has more freedom, communication, more opportunities to talk about sex and lust without jealousy. That way I can stay independent and enjoy the company of different people.

    Distrust as revenge

    While in college, I befriended a guy who was a real girl’s favorite. I succumbed to jealousy and slept secretly with an acquaintance of mine, as if in revenge for him. Before that I was hesitant, but I remembered what a terrible thing the guy had told me, how many girls he had cheated, and how many scandals he had caused. Now I realize that I was immature in such a way of revenge. I am not radiating about my behavior.

    Distrust as an incentive to move away from toxic relationships

    I was married to a violent, jealous man. He sometimes let me go to a karaoke bar with friends. One evening I met a funny guy there who was the complete opposite of my spouse. After an intimate relationship with him, I realized that I was worth a better life.

    “Distrust is not good, on the other hand, it gave me the strength to leave the old toxic relationship.”

    Faded love

    I was married many years ago, we didn’t have a perfect relationship and our sex life was never passionate. I had an acquaintance with whom we always felt a physical desire one after another. One night we talked about it openly, and then we kissed passionately. It seemed to me that after many years I had finally woken up and felt alive. I felt guilty, but on the other hand, it was painful for me to realize that so many years of our lives have been wasted. I told her everything and we divorced. Later I married the woman of my dreams. Distrust destroys people’s lives, but on the other hand, life without passion also destroys it.

  • 7 tips on what not to do when learning about a partner’s distrust

    7 tips on what not to do when learning about a partner’s distrust

    Shock. Pain. Anger. Such emotions include feelings that arise when you learn about your partner’s distrust. One moment you explode with anger, but the next you are ready to howl in pain. How to help yourself survive what happened? Of course, there are no unambiguous answers, but it is possible to suggest what should not be done in this situation, writes the portal psychologies.ru.

    1. Decide immediately that it is over

    For many, this is the first natural reaction – to disappear from this relationship as soon as possible, without looking back. However, it is much wiser to allow yourself to calm down and postpone the decision a bit. First of all, it is important to find out the circumstances of the event – whether the partner talks about it at all and how he does it. Has it been an overnight contact with a particular person or multiple encounters, or perhaps even a secret novel? How does your partner feel about this person? And how do you feel? Does he regret what happened? It may be hard to believe, but if people love each other and don’t want to give up, this painful event can even strengthen the relationship and improve its quality.

    2. Disconnect from the world around you

    In addition to the whole range of feelings experienced by the transferred person, the feeling that something is wrong with you if your partner has already been unfaithful, as well as the fear that others will learn about the betrayal, may steal. You want to escape from the whole world, close and somehow suppress the pain. Although this desire is fully understood, one must learn not to suppress one’s emotions and give in to them completely.

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    3. Revenge

    Like leaving, revenge may seem like the most logical solution, especially if emotions flow over the edges. However, it is worth stopping, calming down a bit, and thinking: if I do it now, how will I feel in a week, a month, a half year? Will, I not regret my behavior? Is my current behavior in line with my values?

    4. Share what happened in a row

    This advice seems to contradict the recommendation not to cut off from the world around you. However, in order to deal with this situation as gently as possible, you should only talk about it with the people closest to you, those who will really support you, not everyone in turn. Take special care to protect children from such information.

    5. Indulge in paranoia

    The worst consequence of mistrust is the loss of trust. After such an experience, each step of the partner raises suspicions, there may be a desire to constantly check the other’s phone or even communicate on social networks. Worse, if you divorce, this paranoia will move into the new relationship, even if your partner doesn’t give you the slightest reason. So whether you stay with your old partner or not, you will have to work hard to regain your trust.

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    6. Blame yourself

    Distrust is always the choice and responsibility of the partner, not your fault, even if there have been difficulties in the relationship. When you lose trust in your partner, it is very easy to blame yourself for what you have allegedly done wrong. Everything is fine with you and you have every right to feel offended.

    7. Predict the future

    Another painful mistrust is that all the future scenes you have created have collapsed, especially if the relationship has been long and you have invested heavily in it. Your task now is to live in this moment and take maximum care of yourself. Don’t think of far-reaching plans, it will only exacerbate the anxiety. Taking care of yourself here and now will be the best investment for tomorrow.

  • Why is the other cheating?

    Why is the other cheating?

    It’s a destructive feeling when you find out that the other party is cheating on you. Everything you have believed in before collapses. Self-esteem collapses first, then dreams of a common future. There is total confusion. What do I have to say now? Pretend I don’t know anything? Watch? Wait? Maybe move on? Maybe not serious? Fight? Scratch your eyes? Do with the same?

    And who is ultimately to blame? No, not me! But maybe I do? It is said that the beam alone does not burn. So both. But how exactly? Too little attention to each other? No, it can’t be! But I care, I talk, I am interested, we go to events together, the holidays are always together.

    Then maybe too much? Also unlikely – last week we each rested with our friends….

    Sex!

    Yes, sex !!! Lately and less often… Yes, it’s my fault – I have to work on diversity. Now there are so many interesting solutions – traditional and non-traditional. I read about vumbilding somewhere . Be sure to sign up for the lesson! Somehow it would work!

    One way or another, men and women around the world are still fighting fraud with different emotions and solutions, looking for a reason, an explanation, a cure and a guarantee for future cases. What a curse for all men, because somewhere you read that men are genetically polygamous, the tendency to sleep with as many women as possible. Others even suffer from sex addiction. So what are you going to do there? The solution is either to come to terms with the constant side steps, or the choice to live with a neutered cat, focus on a career or donate your life to children.

    Someone else is convinced that there is a spell of guilt, because while it is clear that a man is like a man, but just drinks, it works magic and the man is away in the blue, in his favorite embrace. So vicious.

    Another is to blame for pregnancy or breastfeeding – which I can start in THIS form, now all the others are prettier, tidier. Chest slips, hips rounded, belly stretched.

    Or friends have an adverse effect – they already have such unhealthy interests, my invertebrates are treated towards me and seduced into fornication.

    Sex does not match, one wants something unacceptable, but the other sticks to their traditions and refuses to try anything new. Then they say – well, let’s run to do those abominations, because I’ll never do it.

    However, the cause is always sought both on the surface of the earth and on the outside of the Internet, and it is desirable to receive an explanation that also has a solution method. Small breasts / obesity / small (too big) member / insufficient education / low income / non-conversation / lack of common hobbies and similar faults, which are always followed by actions, are considered a plausible reason.

    Increasing or decreasing operation, slimming, learning, changing jobs, increasing income, pronouncing, a completely failed trip with a man to the hated rally. And it works. Temporarily. Till the next time.
    Because there is no reason in those external matters. The reason is quite simple – it is unwillingness to be with each other. When there is a feeling that one listens more understandably elsewhere, loves to caress, prepares tastier, presents more generously, responds more passionately, rejoices in meeting and less blames something. It’s not always even “out there” sex. Well, well – have sex.

    But more often than not, under the pretext of sex, people are actually looking for a way out of a depressing family relationship, an interlocutor, a kindred soul.

    It is naive to think that finding out these reasons and learning the necessary behaviors will have the same result as in those left-wing relationships. There was nothing. Nothing can be done artificially. Or rather, you can, but for a while. As long as you have the strength to control yourself, to discipline, to adapt. But how long can we write with the other hand? How long can we be nice when we want to cry? How long can we keep silent if the flood of words suffocates? How far can you go by car if you put in first gear and mention 100?

    Why don’t you want to be together?

    Because it’s not good. There is no mutual interest in each other. What’s exciting for one is naive and silly for the other. There is no single goal. Children and house building do not count. Due to public pressure, everyone initially wants it. But the goals must be – to work a little and enjoy the opportunities provided by life a lot / to work wholeheartedly for all possible comforts / exploring the world / detailed everyday pleasures in the family. If such a tool and the enjoyer form a pair, sooner or later one of the parties will sag – either physically or emotionally. One will always feel overwhelmed, but the other will feel guilty for having done too little.
    Everyone speaks their own language. One always sees shortcomings, the other is already tired, showing the positive aspects of life, where shortcomings can always be found.

    It is not by agreement that men go to hunt in the dark and cold, throwing a bow to a responsive soul on the way. And it is not behind the wives of great love that they go alone or with their girlfriends on trips, where they gladly indulge in a small splurge of the resort.

    This is because there is no compatibility. And it is not determined by our will, training, pronunciation, or proper behavior.

    How many people would live much more easily if they knew that much of their success and frustration in relationships was due to different types of mutual “intolerance.” Just like there are medications that cause more side effects than cures, there are relationships where great love and beautiful dreams for the future simply go away because there is “nausea” – reproach, silence, emotional abuse, contempt, underestimation, sawing, ultimatums, indifference.

    It seems as it may be – we started so beautifully, we really loved, sex was, good professions, a person from a good family, brought up… We wholeheartedly believed that we would meet, that we would not be like others, that we would teach , let’s know, let’s listen more, let’s talk more. Where did it stay?

    Nothing was left anywhere because in fact everything was decided for such an outcome from the very beginning. Because it requires nature.
    How exactly? Stop, listen, waste a few hours of your time to understand yourself and other people, find out that it is not really your fault, and live a conscious, happy life with relief and a new clear view of people and situations.