It’s a destructive feeling when you find out that the other party is cheating on you. Everything you have believed in before collapses. Self-esteem collapses first, then dreams of a common future. There is total confusion. What do I have to say now? Pretend I don’t know anything? Watch? Wait? Maybe move on? Maybe not serious? Fight? Scratch your eyes? Do with the same?
And who is ultimately to blame? No, not me! But maybe I do? It is said that the beam alone does not burn. So both. But how exactly? Too little attention to each other? No, it can’t be! But I care, I talk, I am interested, we go to events together, the holidays are always together.
Then maybe too much? Also unlikely – last week we each rested with our friends….
Yes, sex !!! Lately and less often… Yes, it’s my fault – I have to work on diversity. Now there are so many interesting solutions – traditional and non-traditional. I read about vumbilding somewhere . Be sure to sign up for the lesson! Somehow it would work!
One way or another, men and women around the world are still fighting fraud with different emotions and solutions, looking for a reason, an explanation, a cure and a guarantee for future cases. What a curse for all men, because somewhere you read that men are genetically polygamous, the tendency to sleep with as many women as possible. Others even suffer from sex addiction. So what are you going to do there? The solution is either to come to terms with the constant side steps, or the choice to live with a neutered cat, focus on a career or donate your life to children.
Someone else is convinced that there is a spell of guilt, because while it is clear that a man is like a man, but just drinks, it works magic and the man is away in the blue, in his favorite embrace. So vicious.
Another is to blame for pregnancy or breastfeeding – which I can start in THIS form, now all the others are prettier, tidier. Chest slips, hips rounded, belly stretched.
Or friends have an adverse effect – they already have such unhealthy interests, my invertebrates are treated towards me and seduced into fornication.
Sex does not match, one wants something unacceptable, but the other sticks to their traditions and refuses to try anything new. Then they say – well, let’s run to do those abominations, because I’ll never do it.
However, the cause is always sought both on the surface of the earth and on the outside of the Internet, and it is desirable to receive an explanation that also has a solution method. Small breasts / obesity / small (too big) member / insufficient education / low income / non-conversation / lack of common hobbies and similar faults, which are always followed by actions, are considered a plausible reason.
Increasing or decreasing operation, slimming, learning, changing jobs, increasing income, pronouncing, a completely failed trip with a man to the hated rally. And it works. Temporarily. Till the next time.
Because there is no reason in those external matters. The reason is quite simple – it is unwillingness to be with each other. When there is a feeling that one listens more understandably elsewhere, loves to caress, prepares tastier, presents more generously, responds more passionately, rejoices in meeting and less blames something. It’s not always even “out there” sex. Well, well – have sex.
But more often than not, under the pretext of sex, people are actually looking for a way out of a depressing family relationship, an interlocutor, a kindred soul.
It is naive to think that finding out these reasons and learning the necessary behaviors will have the same result as in those left-wing relationships. There was nothing. Nothing can be done artificially. Or rather, you can, but for a while. As long as you have the strength to control yourself, to discipline, to adapt. But how long can we write with the other hand? How long can we be nice when we want to cry? How long can we keep silent if the flood of words suffocates? How far can you go by car if you put in first gear and mention 100?
Why don’t you want to be together?
Because it’s not good. There is no mutual interest in each other. What’s exciting for one is naive and silly for the other. There is no single goal. Children and house building do not count. Due to public pressure, everyone initially wants it. But the goals must be – to work a little and enjoy the opportunities provided by life a lot / to work wholeheartedly for all possible comforts / exploring the world / detailed everyday pleasures in the family. If such a tool and the enjoyer form a pair, sooner or later one of the parties will sag – either physically or emotionally. One will always feel overwhelmed, but the other will feel guilty for having done too little.
Everyone speaks their own language. One always sees shortcomings, the other is already tired, showing the positive aspects of life, where shortcomings can always be found.
It is not by agreement that men go to hunt in the dark and cold, throwing a bow to a responsive soul on the way. And it is not behind the wives of great love that they go alone or with their girlfriends on trips, where they gladly indulge in a small splurge of the resort.
This is because there is no compatibility. And it is not determined by our will, training, pronunciation, or proper behavior.
How many people would live much more easily if they knew that much of their success and frustration in relationships was due to different types of mutual “intolerance.” Just like there are medications that cause more side effects than cures, there are relationships where great love and beautiful dreams for the future simply go away because there is “nausea” – reproach, silence, emotional abuse, contempt, underestimation, sawing, ultimatums, indifference.
It seems as it may be – we started so beautifully, we really loved, sex was, good professions, a person from a good family, brought up… We wholeheartedly believed that we would meet, that we would not be like others, that we would teach , let’s know, let’s listen more, let’s talk more. Where did it stay?
Nothing was left anywhere because in fact everything was decided for such an outcome from the very beginning. Because it requires nature.
How exactly? Stop, listen, waste a few hours of your time to understand yourself and other people, find out that it is not really your fault, and live a conscious, happy life with relief and a new clear view of people and situations.