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7 tips on what not to do when learning about a partner’s distrust

Shock. Pain. Anger. Such emotions include feelings that arise when you learn about your partner’s distrust. One moment you explode with anger, but the next you are ready to howl in pain. How to help yourself survive what happened? Of course, there are no unambiguous answers, but it is possible to suggest what should not be done in this situation, writes the portal psychologies.ru.

1. Decide immediately that it is over

For many, this is the first natural reaction – to disappear from this relationship as soon as possible, without looking back. However, it is much wiser to allow yourself to calm down and postpone the decision a bit. First of all, it is important to find out the circumstances of the event – whether the partner talks about it at all and how he does it. Has it been an overnight contact with a particular person or multiple encounters, or perhaps even a secret novel? How does your partner feel about this person? And how do you feel? Does he regret what happened? It may be hard to believe, but if people love each other and don’t want to give up, this painful event can even strengthen the relationship and improve its quality.

2. Disconnect from the world around you

In addition to the whole range of feelings experienced by the transferred person, the feeling that something is wrong with you if your partner has already been unfaithful, as well as the fear that others will learn about the betrayal, may steal. You want to escape from the whole world, close and somehow suppress the pain. Although this desire is fully understood, one must learn not to suppress one’s emotions and give in to them completely.

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3. Revenge

Like leaving, revenge may seem like the most logical solution, especially if emotions flow over the edges. However, it is worth stopping, calming down a bit, and thinking: if I do it now, how will I feel in a week, a month, a half year? Will, I not regret my behavior? Is my current behavior in line with my values?

4. Share what happened in a row

This advice seems to contradict the recommendation not to cut off from the world around you. However, in order to deal with this situation as gently as possible, you should only talk about it with the people closest to you, those who will really support you, not everyone in turn. Take special care to protect children from such information.

5. Indulge in paranoia

The worst consequence of mistrust is the loss of trust. After such an experience, each step of the partner raises suspicions, there may be a desire to constantly check the other’s phone or even communicate on social networks. Worse, if you divorce, this paranoia will move into the new relationship, even if your partner doesn’t give you the slightest reason. So whether you stay with your old partner or not, you will have to work hard to regain your trust.

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6. Blame yourself

Distrust is always the choice and responsibility of the partner, not your fault, even if there have been difficulties in the relationship. When you lose trust in your partner, it is very easy to blame yourself for what you have allegedly done wrong. Everything is fine with you and you have every right to feel offended.

7. Predict the future

Another painful mistrust is that all the future scenes you have created have collapsed, especially if the relationship has been long and you have invested heavily in it. Your task now is to live in this moment and take maximum care of yourself. Don’t think of far-reaching plans, it will only exacerbate the anxiety. Taking care of yourself here and now will be the best investment for tomorrow.

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