No matter how much you want happiness, there are some things you really can’t rush. Couple experts point out that sometimes women do themselves a “disservice” and push away a potential partner. When starting a new relationship, there’s really no need to rush and try to speed things up. Some common mistakes women make can mean the end of a new relationship, so it’s good to be aware of them and avoid them in the future. So what is the biggest obstacle for a man to fall in love with you?
You don’t give him a chance to show initiative
The more a woman pursues a man, the more he moves away from her, so it is worth giving the man the opportunity to take the initiative himself. If a woman constantly chases after a man, sooner or later he gets tired of it, and finally he decides to win the heart of another beauty.
Also, relationship experts say that a woman should take a step only when a man has already taken two steps, otherwise the distance will simply increase, which can turn into a real abyss.
We all have certain activities and responsibilities, so an excessive desire for attention can become the cause of disagreements or even the desire to break up. Let the man decide for himself when he should call or ask you out. The course of the relationship should not be based on instructions when the man should perform certain actions – let him decide for himself when to take the initiative.
In addition, relationship experts emphasize that the woman should end the phone conversation first: this supposedly shows that the woman has more important things to do, thus helping to gain the moral upper hand.
Initiate gestures of love
Relationship experts believe that women should not initiate hugs or other gestures of affection. Men subconsciously want to conquer women, so you should let him take the initiative himself.
No matter how much you want the moments of hugs to be as long as possible, the woman should be the first to break free from the hug, and not wait for the man to pull away. Although this may seem like an insignificant detail, it can actually become an important part of a relationship.
A woman makes it clear that a man is her whole life
Yes, at the beginning of a relationship, you really want to spend as much time as possible together, but in order to build a strong long-term relationship, you don’t need to let your man understand that you simply can’t live without him. It is important to give him the opportunity to say the magic words: “I love you” himself. If you do it first, you might just scare off a potential partner, so sometimes it’s better to wait a little.
I will describe a classic situation: people live with each other not because they love each other, but because a lot of time has passed, there is really nowhere to go, or there is no desire to go somewhere, to look for something new. You just want to live with a person you know well, you know what to expect from this person. But what could a woman do to make a man love her forever? Even if it’s been decades since you started living together?
First, routine kills love. A person is already known to the ends of their hair: everything that could have been – has already been, everything that was once unclear – now isn’t. But we all need something new and something that sparks interest. Therefore, some go in search of another partner. However, the question – how to “force” a man not only to stay, but also to love you – remains relevant.
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The first characteristic is that a woman must change so that a man can fall in love with her anew every day. Yes, this quality is very difficult to develop in yourself. After all, you have to devote yourself to self-improvement, to change. And it’s not just about appearance – you won’t surprise anyone with that today.
You have to change inside. For example, when a person reads a lot, they change and improve. New experience is gained, a new attitude is formed.
Change, do something new, learn new things, travel. Today do one thing, tomorrow something else. Impress him today with your dancing skills, tomorrow with your knowledge of the French. The advantage of this approach is that if a man loves you, he will follow your example – he too will develop and change.
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The ability to find a compromise is another quality that will make him love you for life. Everyone knows how men do not like unnecessary arguments. And not everyone has enough patience. If a woman constantly generates conflicts, a man will not be happy.
Conflict kills love. Who wants to be with a person who just tolerates you and your arguments instead of truly loving you? A woman must be able to find a compromise, and (mostly) give in if a man finds one.
After all, family life is full of conflicting moments. And it’s so nice to see a woman next to you who can calmly find a way out of conflict situations.
I’m not saying that a woman has to conform to a man all the time. Compromise is when both are satisfied with the result.
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The third quality is that a woman brings love and peace. After all, to receive love, you have to give it back. A man must see that it is mutual love, that he is accepted and loved.
Yes, not every man can answer this the way a woman would like, but here you have to make a choice in advance before starting a relationship. Because if a man does not particularly want to share love from the very beginning of the relationship, it would be absurd to expect it from him later.
I know several beautiful and intelligent women who do not hide their desire for family and children, but there is one problem – there is no man next to them to spend life with. Of course, they are not innocent virgins or shy girls who are restricted in their bedroom by puritanical rules and beliefs. Some of them form a relationship one after other – it begins as a beautiful prelude to a happy love story, but ends unexpectedly just as the bond and romantic admiration seem to have grown into true love.
The passionate nights spent together simply do not get a logical continuation – getting to know his parents and asking, “Will you marry me?”
When talking to girlfriends who have not yet found their real love, I notice some regularities that could explain why their relationship often remains only in the “friends with benefits” stage.
The sooner the better
My friend is 35 years old. She is a real nightlife soul of the capital. If I want to know where the hottest weekend parties are gona be, instead of searching the internet, I call her. New restaurant openings and other events is just her passion. There, she meets all those handsome men with whom, unfortunately, the relationship has not lasted more than a few months. Why?
It seems to me that the reason is obvious: she is so eager to marry and have children that she puts “great love” into her bed sooner than she should, because she sees sex as a sign that the relationship is serious.
And when she happily calls and tells me that he gave her an impressive gift for no reason, and that it means he’s going to take the next step soon, I usually think it’s just a subtle “thank you” for a good time and a hint about the upcoming breakup.
I bet we’ll meet at the coffee shop soon to discuss her unfortunate love again. I will admit that I am starting to bother explaining to her that men are not very happy about hasty events and they would rather run away than take the oath of eternal love without being shure that this is his true love. No one wants to be tied up with wrong woman and see unexpected positive pregnancy test, so responsible men disappear in time without any explanation – until it’s too late. But my friend is convinced the opposite – good sex is the most important thing that connects people.
Eternal hesitation
The other extreme is when people make friends for a year or more but are still not ready to seriously commit to being with each other. My childhood friend has been living with a man for three years. They are both close to their forty, but they haven’t talked about weddings yet, and I don’t think that there will be such a celebration in their lives. “It’s such an insignificant thing; love doesn’t need a stamp in your passport, just like an official permission to love,” was her reaction when our youngest firend handed out invitations to her wedding.
When people invade your relationship without an explanation and try to tell how well they are doing, I may suspect that they are actually trying to convince others that everything is perfect in their relationship, when in fact it is not.
However, experience shows that life “without a stamp in the passport” usually reverses when children are born. In that case, the formalities suddenly prove important; either out of fear of mistrust or a sudden divorce.
That would not be the case if we admitted to ourselves that the most common reason why we do not resort to this formality is a ray of hope for one or both partners that one day they will find someone better. Sometimes it fades and turns out to be insignificant because the baby’s smile illuminates life. However, the answer to the existential question: “Is this really my future – to see this aging woman (or man) every day?” And whoever is looking for someone else finds it.
Misunderstanding
Often people do not understand each other just because their behavior sends vague signals or they misinterpret each other’s actions or words. It’s not easy to understand the person you just met. Perhaps the most important thing is to try to see not what you want to see, but what that person’s behavior really means.
Sometimes this is quite a difficult task, especially if the man is too polite and does not make it clear that he only expects “friends with benefits” relationship.
My childhood friend was once entangled in a strange relationship that ended in a great scandal instead of civil brakup. His colleague was experiencing a family crisis at the time and was considering divorce. He did not have a girlfriend at the time and began to “comfort” her. His boring daily life was brightened by lunch breaks, during which they went to a nearby apartment and returned cheerful and blushed. Sometimes both stayed “overtime”.
But weekends he spent with friends. We all knew about this office “lover” and his position that he would not marry this woman even if she left her husband. When I asked him if he was convinced that his colleague also perceived this connection as a carefree daily diversification, he immediately stated: “Of course, I did not promise her anything.”
When the colleague was finally free and their love was no longer hindered, she experienced a severe panic attack. “There was nothing between us but good sex,” he exclaimed.
Even if you’re in a long-term relationship and he hints that it might be more comfortable to stay with him in the apartment than going on a date through the rain and cold, but he hasn’t introduced you to his parents and closest friends so far, this relationship are unlikely to move foreward.
In addition, women often wants to look strong and independent and they simply will not get anything more than sex without commitment from man. For example, they always take the initiative themselves, highlighting their opportunities and status, offering to share bills in bars, making humiliating hints, and spreading gossip about married friends. Usually this is how they want to emphasize their independence, financial freedom and equality, but in this case men will want to keep a certain distance. “Friends with benefits” will be the most common outcome.
Imaginary truth
Sometimes people read different literature, listen to relationship stories, and follow these tips strictly. Who among us has not heard that it is not right to kiss on a first date, that all men are pigs, that they only care about sex and that love lasts for three years.
As soon as we trust such advice and begin to live by it, we stop being the masters of our lives.
Self-confidence and listening to your intuition is probably a more stable foundation for happiness. It would be said by those whose love stories seemed hopeless or began as a spontaneous one night stand. Other people mistakes can also be like treasure of experience, as long as they are used wisely.
Do you plan regular dating nights with your partner, appreciate his little daily efforts and don’t touch the phone when you’re alone? Congratulations – this is the beginning of a great relationship. But you have to work hard in the relationship, and if you want to improve your own, you’ll want to pay attention to the words you use, experts say. Particular attention should be paid to one word, which therapists do not recommend if you want to strengthen your bond. The word is “should”.
“I see that many couples fall into the ‘should’ trap,” says Dr. Lorena Cook . “It follows from their internal judgment, while also incorporating perceived judgments or comparisons with other couples or society as a whole.”
PS: The word “should not” is not very good either.
Examples include the phrase, “You shouldn’t spend so much time playing video games,” or, “You should do more.”
WHY IS THIS WORD SO PROBLEMATIC?
According to the psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, when we think of our other half in the context of “should”, or instead of receiving countless “you should”, negative energy is created, and over time it can be toxic to any relationship, especially loving.
Why is this one word a relationship breaker? This creates unequal dynamics, says Dr. Cook. “For example, when one partner tells the other what he or she should ‘do’, he or she plays an unequivocal role, while sending a signal to the partner that he or she is a degree lower in the relationship,” she explains.
Of course, it’s just one small word (which we’ve all more or less said to our loved ones), but using it too often can have a negative effect – losing trust in a relationship.
WHAT TO USE INSTEAD?
If you are unhappy with what your partner is doing, you should definitely not keep it to yourself. But instead of telling the other what he “should” or “shouldn’t” do, Dr. Bernstein suggests using the word “would” instead.
For example, instead of saying, “You should have known what I meant,” you could try, “I want you to understand me more.” Or, instead of saying “you shouldn’t drive so fast”, rephrase it like this: “I’d like you to drive slower.”
It is a simple change, but according to Dr. According to Bernstein, this change can help prevent shame – the mega “relationship killer”. “Taking the time to be at the moment, to capture your toxic thoughts and challenge or change them will put you and your partner at a much higher level in your relationship.”
How do you know if you are with your real and only one? And is there really the real and only one? These are the eternal questions that dating experts have been discussing for years, and some people believe in the idea of relatives of the soul, while others oppose monogamy and do not think that we should be tied to just one person all our lives.
But if you’re looking for someone to love with all your heart and want to get married, dating podcast host Jane Hawking offers tips on how to determine in two seconds whether the person you‘ve met is marriage material or someone you’re better off. .
Jane calls it her “marriage test,” and it helps her decide whether or not to say yes to the current relationship. She explains how the test works: “I usually do this after quite a few dates, say after three months in a relationship. I just imagined myself at the wedding altar. ”
“I think to myself – if I went to the altar and saw this person waiting for me, would I be happy and really excited to see him? Would I think to myself that I was really lucky to marry her? Or I would just think he seems like a good person, and I think we could have a decent life together, so let’s do it. ”
Jane continues: “If this is the first option, I will continue to meet him. If the second option, which just seems like a good solution, I will not stay with him.
“The second option does not offer truly special and unique love, it offers secure love.”
Where do men come from in a middle-aged crisis, and what do they really need? Let’s study the needs of men of different ages according to the principles of Maslow’s pyramid of needs. As we age, we change and our relationships with loved ones change. In fact, every man wants completely different things. Only one remains the same – all men want love.
20 years: “What a beauty! I want to get him and…. her girlfriend too! ”
When testosterone hormones flow almost from the ears, the young man takes care of one thing – suppresses his sexual appetite. Twenty years is a period when the oath of eternal trust evaporates very quickly. For guys, this is a time of shock, frustration, as well as a period of countless attempts to get to know a woman.
At this age, men see women as a textbook of geography: young women – unknown Central Asian countries, pristine beautiful forests, which are difficult to access. With a beautiful girl it is nice to appear in society, and she, most likely, is just beginning to gain experience in building relationships. It is with her that the risk of being compared to another is zero because she does not really know that it can be otherwise. However, when communicating with such beauties, the young person often burns, succumbs to melancholy, and understands that beauty is not the most important thing. Although to put up with it completely, do not want to. In such cases, of course, women control everything; in their hands is the most important thing that hot-blooded young people need – beauty and sex.
20-30 years: “Tell me about yourself or the period of real sex”
When the crazy hormone period ends, the idea that a woman without beauty also has a mind strengthens in a man’s mind. He is aware that a loved one can be a pleasant companion with a seductive look and life experience. Communication with a woman no longer develops according to the principle: “I am a beauty, and you do nothing”. Such a view is taken with contempt on the part of the beautiful sex because next to it we need not only a handsome man, but also an intelligent, faithful, and strong man. This moment of revaluation of life values (crisis) comes very painfully for some, along with fear and self-doubt. During this period, some become pronounced bachelors, others become adults and intelligent men.
Intimacy ceases to be an outstanding event, it becomes an act of mutual enjoyment. Casual sex no longer seems so exciting because of the need for psychological mood and emotional stimulation. Women also know some tricks and are aware of their sexuality, are able to formulate what is expected of a partner. Rarely is a woman so naive that she is unaware of men’s financial and time investment in building relationships. After all, the ambitions of both sexes grow along with the needs.
Why do men get married at this age? First, they are looking for stability and comfort. The main reason for marriage is always love and the desire to have a regular sexual partner. There is still so much to do: career development, financial improvement, and family support. It all takes a lot of time and effort to still look for overnight connections.
35-45 years: “Let’s try differently”
Unfortunately, most men admit that at this age home life remains boring, the wife loses the status of the most coveted woman in the world but becomes a close friend who will be with her forever. There is no need to fight or conquer anything anymore, so a man realizes his ambitions elsewhere.
At the same time, different thoughts arise in a man’s head – from breaking a relationship (at best, a voluntary choice) to various experiments in bed. But ideally – not in bed at all, because “sex in bed” becomes a process without shocks, the joy of fireworks, new feelings.
At this age, hormone levels go down irreversibly, and with it sexual desire. Women are usually expected to do a few things – more tolerance and less demanding.
45 – 55 years old: “Next time will be better, I promise”
The critical age when men look for new emotions to strengthen their social status, regardless of whether hormones continue to decline. At this point, they may have a well-founded concern about “masculinity” – the desire for sex is still there, but some effort is needed and they need to take more care of their health. The excuse that “age is just a number” loses its force because, after all, there are many factors that can negatively affect a man’s potency. In women, there is often a desire to see a best friend and ally, with the addition of intimacy. A man tries to become a person who already knows and understands everything: mood swings, frustration, humor, the desire to be alone and reflect on his success.
If a man decides to divorce at this age, he often realizes that this is the wrong decision, and he could return to his wife with a confession: I was wrong, I didn’t want to. But only a few take such a big step in despair because a quiet and peaceful life becomes a priority.
55 years and older: “Let’s do it the way you want”
Some men know how to carry their age with carefree ease until they realize the terrible reality – my 16 have long been behind the mountains and will never return. In front, you can see the path of the new decade, which is inhospitable and menacing. Now all the things you wanted so much – attention, care, romantic gestures, and a joint vacation – can surely be obtained. At this age, men begin to feel true happiness, about being able to bring joy to their wives. A kind of “atonement” for the sins of youth comes to the fore: for the pain inflicted, for jealousy, for betrayal. They seem to want to receive forgiveness of sins before they enter the men’s paradise. However, the fear of age is growing, and the eyes are looking for new and strong female bodies. God knows what they will do with these bodies, because years are no longer those like if we see an old man in a restaurant with a new model who looks like his daughter, then in this union everything is not so simple. One benefit is that such girls do not know how to curse with such terrible words: atherosclerosis or prostate because they are all unfamiliar with them.
He wants sex. She wants romance. The bedroom reveals very significant differences between the masculine and feminine worlds. Often we are not even aware of how different we are, which in turn creates confusion and in some cases even makes partners alienate each other. What is the secret to a good and successful relationship? By understanding and accepting each other’s obvious and not just visible differences, can we become truly close and enjoy great sex? Sekss.lv is 100% sure – there will be sex, there will also be good relationships!
WHY IS SEX SO IMPORTANT?
It is believed that sex seems more important to men, while romance is more important to women. Usually we don’t really understand why this is the case, and without going into these differences, women often underestimate the importance of sex in a man’s life and decide that men only have THAT in their minds.When a woman discovers the reasons for such an impression, her views on the man change and are no longer so unambiguous. By deepening our understanding of our sexual differences, created by historical and social preconditions, women are beginning to understand why, for many men, sex is a means of better understanding and expressing their love. With the help of sex, a man’s heart becomes accessible, allowing him to enjoy gentle feelings and quench his thirst for love.
That’s right – sex allows a man to strive for love, while a woman, feeling love, longs for sex!
A man often misunderstands a woman’s desire for romance. It may seem to him that a woman is avoiding sex. When he wants to, but the partner is not in the right mood, the man may misunderstand the situation and feel excluded. A man is aware that a woman usually wants to be loved and romantic first, and only then longs for sex.
Just as a woman needs a good understanding with her partner so that she can love and feel loved, a man needs sex.Of course, a man can feel love in other ways as well, but most strongly a woman’s love touches the strings of his soul and conquers the heart with the help of great (normal, full-fledged) sex.
WHAT MAKES SEX SO GREAT?
First, the relationship must be based on mutual love and understanding. As sexual intercourse improves, so does overall harmony. This is only natural.When having great sex, a man begins to feel love for a woman, while a woman receives the love that she may have lacked, thus improving mutual understanding and increasing the level of intimacy.
If the couple has a disagreement, sometimes it is better not to sharpen the attention to their problems, but to have great sex, which will instantly reduce tension and make everything much easier.
Great sex is the most effective way to win a man’s heart and help him feel and express his love for a woman. When enjoying great sex, a woman’s heart relaxes, which allows her to relax and feel the support of her partner in other areas of mutual relations. Tenderness significantly improves a woman’s ability to understand, allows her to behave in such a way that the man does not feel exposed.
HOW DOES THIS LAW WORK IN LIFE?
Or is it so simple and natural in real life? Linda, 28, is ready to tell the portal about the fact that the unwritten law “there will be sex, there will be relationships” also works very effectively in ordinary relations of the average Latvian.
” This law should be followed by any couple whose relationship, due to more or less complications, has reached a dead end. Take time for sex! Plan for making love if necessary! Touch each other! Sex makes the strong sex tense up and return to the so-called “just in love” relationship. Sex increases love! ” – a beautiful Liepaja woman is really steadfast in her beliefs.
Remember that from time to time sex also needs new breath! Surprise your partner with a small dose of sharpness to remind you that there is no place for a torturous tiring routine in your relationship !
