“Well, my beloved is really not a whore. She is a modest, quiet girl, she only wants gentle, romantic sex” – says an acquaintance when the number of drinks consumed at a party exceeds 5 glasses, and the topic of conversation turns to BDSM. Oh, if only my eyebrows could rise so high that they would leave my face altogether. However, I quickly realize that I am surprised by an extremely sad, but equally ordinary phenomenon like brushing my teeth in the morning.
Saints or harlots?
This is how we live in a society where, in the eyes of many, women can only exist in two ways – those who love sex in all its shades, or those who are good, pure, motherly, holy. Only, I’ll let you in on a secret, dear men, it’s very possible that women of the second category exist only in your imagination. And if you continue to live in this illusion, there is a good chance that soon your warm place in bed will be taken by someone less detached from reality. And only you will be to blame for that.
Because, truth be told, all women are sexual beings. With much more potential in sex than you might imagine. It happens, of course, that they bury their sexuality under long linen skirts, pious care for children, innocent facial expressions and the Soviet image of “there is no sex in our country“. Because they have been convinced from a young age that good girls don’t need such things, and in general it’s safer for them to exist if no one calls them whore because of a short skirt, brighter make-up or a louder voice.
We all have fetishes and that’s normal
But the truth is, we all have fetishes of one kind or another. By the way, those called diligent primroses or gray mice usually have more of them. And nothing is more wonderful than finding a partner you can trust enough to surrender to your desires together. So maybe let’s get back to this BDSM and rough sex thing in general.
That’s right, it’s hard for me to come up with a more stupid idea than the fact that rough or domineering sex can only appeal to promiscuous women or those who do not respect themselves and want to be controlled by a man’s firm hand in all situations of life. It is the same as saying that only Mexicans like spicy food, and Latvians only like bacon pies.
Sexual interest is a much more complex to easily be put on the same shelf as character or other characteristics. And most importantly, there is no hobby in the bedroom that gives you the right to respect your partner less.
I know more than one “real” feminist who likes to be choked by their partner during sex, and equally, I know “good girls” who like to drip hot wax on their man’s testicles. But this does not mean that the latter tramples on her husband’s head with her heels in domestic matters, while the other enjoys it when the man raises his voice against her or controls her.
Men, hurry before it’s too late
So, if you still think that your woman is “not like that” and she “only likes to do it in the dark, under the sheets, in one position, gently and in two minutes”, I definitely recommend that you think about it before it’s too late. Because, in my opinion, there is a 95% chance that either your girlfriend is already looking for a replacement for you, or she is suffering from boring sex, and thinks the following about you – either you don’t understand, you don’t know, or you can’t do what she wants.
Therefore, if the first sentence of the previous paragraph accurately describes your sex life, I recommend that you have an honest conversation with your “saint” about what she would like to try in bed. If shyness is your second name, simply offer her to fill a basket in an online sex shop with things she would like to try. I won’t be surprised if you see things in it that you never thought of. And then you will open the door to a very beautiful, fun and very intimate new world.