Our sexuality is an important part of our identity. A feeling that recognizes you as a sexual person makes a significant contribution to your quality of life. Although the time we spend having sex takes up only a small portion of the total time spent in a relationship, if there is no or unsatisfactory sexual contact between partners, it can have a significant impact on the relationship, our partners, and most importantly, ourselves. Sex is more than sex. When we choose to say no to sex, we pay for it.
Studies show that in many relationships, sex is left in the background or even in the third or fourth plane. A study in the United States shows that 13 percent of married couples make love only a few times a year. In contrast, a study in Australia of more than 6,000 couples found that only 46 percent of men and 58 percent of women were satisfied with the frequency of sex.
Why do so many people give up sex and their sexuality?
Because the world offers a lot of other things and endless hustle and bustle – careers, children, responsibilities, social activities, and technology. We spend our leisure time sleeping, watching TV, or surfing the Internet. This leaves no real contact with the partner, including sex. The more we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, the more we lose touch with our sexuality.
Although sex may seem like only a small part of our experience, it has a significant impact on our well-being. When sex is left out between couples, they often become estranged from each other. Instead of enjoying sex as an enjoyable and important part of life, they see it as a duty or task that still needs to be done after a tiring day. In fact, sex is a vivid and stimulating part of life that can give us a new influx of energy. It is a unique way to connect with your partner and express your affection. However, for many people, the flame of sexuality goes out for various excuses.
Here are the five most common excuses to say goodbye to being united with your sexuality again:
1. I do not feel a close connection with my partner
If you feel distant from your partner, this is not a reason to end your intimate relationship. Of course, intimacy should not be imposed on people who do not feel mutual attachment, and sex does not solve all problems. However, loving action can foster loving feelings.
Studies show that the frequency of sex is positively and significantly related to sexual satisfaction, which in turn is related to marital satisfaction and stability. This also applies to unmarried couples. Rare sexual relationships between unmarried couples living together are associated with higher divorce rates.
2. Don’t feel sexy
It is no wonder that low self-esteem can become an obstacle in the bedroom. Research shows that the better a woman enjoys her physically, the healthier she feels in her sex life and relationships in general. Self-confidence (also for men) has a huge impact on the moment of sexual intimacy, which can be overshadowed by countless negative thoughts or critical inner voice.
It is important not to allow this critical inner voice to dictate any area of your life and most definitely not to allow it to affect intimacy with your partner. When this voice criticizes your appearance or your sexual abilities, it is as if there is another third in bed.
Avoiding sex is not a way to deal with inner critics. Do the opposite. Have sex when you want it. It doesn’t take into account the brakes it wants to apply to you. Be freer in your sexuality – turn on the light or drop a blanket while making love, because inner critics can eventually be silenced by tangible activities. Allow your partner to express their loving attitude towards you – this will definitely replace the inner critic.
3. I am too tired; I’m too busy
The more we get into a routine, the greater the chance that we lose motivation to be united with ourselves, our partner, mutual feelings of attraction. Of course, there are times when you are really tired and overwhelmed, but if you fall under the pretext, not only sex will disappear from your life, but also other small and nice things with which your partners show love to each other – a kiss to say goodbye, eyes contact during a conversation, sending a flirting text message, hugging, watching a movie together.
Time spent on sex should not be seen as an inconvenience or a kind of charge. It is a way to regain energy and relax, to restore excitement and joy in the relationship.
4. I’m just not in the mood
Of course, there are times when you naturally want less sex than your partner. No one should ever feel pressured to have sex when he or she does not want to – there must always be mutual consent and desire.
However, this “I’m not in the mood” feeling can be a warning sign that something else is happening, and this something else can do you a disservice. Suppression of desire can be a form of protection that prevents you from feeling intimacy, vulnerability or intimacy.
If you notice that you are increasingly rejected by your partners or are unable to be united with your feelings or desires, avoiding sex is probably not the answer. In most relationships, one partner has a greater desire for sex than the other, but this does not mean that both partners do not gain anything important from being together.
Studies show that people who are motivated to satisfy their other half’s sexual desires have partners with whom they are more satisfied and better able to maintain their sexual desire for a long time. In other words, if you are responsive to your partner’s wishes, it can keep the spark alive both between you and your partner and within yourself.
5. I am too old
Data show that 29 percent of married people between the ages of 57 and 85 have not had sex for at least a year. As people get older, there can be physical barriers to sex life, but only in rare cases should they be a part of this enjoyable life.
Too often, society tells us that certain activities or interests are no longer appropriate at a given age, but it is important that each of us decides for ourselves what is and what is not important. If you still like sex, you should definitely enjoy it.
It is important not to give up any part of our lives, even if negative assumptions mean that we are too old to do what we want. Don’t let your inner voice convince yourself that you can’t do something anymore before you really can’t do it anymore!