Search results for "oral"
I have never had oral sex. I vomit after it…
Es nekad neesmu nodarbojusies ar orālo seksu. Man pēc tā vemt gribas…
Kāda francūziete vaicā citai:
– Vai tu kādreiz esi redzējusi sava vīra acis orālā seksa laikā?
– O jā! Kādu reizi taisīju minetu. Ak, Dievs, kādas vīram bija acis, kad viņš piepeši ienāca istabā!
One Frenchman asks another:
– Have you ever seen your husband’s eyes during oral sex?
– Oh yes! I gave a blowjob. Oh God, you should have seen my husband’s eyes when he suddenly entered the room!
Šodien manai sievai ir dzimšanas diena, tāpēc pamodināju viņu ar maigu orālo seksu. Tā bija īsta veiksme, ka viņa gulēja ar atvērtu muti.
Today is my wife’s birthday, so I woke her up with gentle oral sex. It was a real success that she slept with her mouth open.
A man goes to his doctor complaining about migraines. His doctor tells him, “I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should try it sometime.” Two weeks later on a return visit, the patient tells his doctor, “Your suggestion worked and I’d like to tell you that you have a very nice house.”
Vīrieti moka migrēna, tāpēc viņš dodas pie ārsta. Ārsts viņam saka: “Es arī ciešu no tās pašas kaites. Ikreiz, kad man tāda ir, es savai sievai veicu orālo seksu. Kad viņai ir orgasms, viņa saspiež kājas ap manu galvu, kas atbrīvo mani no sāpēm. Jums vajadzētu to kādreiz pamēģināt.” Pēc divām nedēļām atkārtotā vizītē pacients stāsta savam ārstam: “Jūsu ieteikums darbojās! Un es vēlētos jums pateikt, ka jums ir ļoti jauka māja.”
The husband is sitting and picking daisy petals:
– Anal, oral, anal, oral…
The wife hears and shouts:
– Who are you so stupid? What are you doing?
– Me? Well, I guess what awaits me in the evening…
– Just go with that sex of yours!
The husband takes the next daisy:
– Ilze, Anna, Ilze, Anna…
Vīrs sēž un plūc margrietiņas ziedlapiņas:
– Anālais, orālais, anālais, orālais…
Sieva izdzird un kliedz:
– Kas tu galīgi stulbs esi? Ko tu dari?
– Es? Nu, es zīlēju, kas mani vakarā sagaida…
– Ej taču tu vienreiz ar to savu seksu!
Vīrs paņem nākamo margrietiņu:
– Ilze, Anna, Ilze, Anna…
Two prostitutes meet. One has a black ribbon around her neck.
– Are you mourning?
– No, I have a black belt in oral sex.
Ongoing interrogation at the police station where a man is accused of beating his wife.
Policeman:
– Sir, we have information that you have beaten your wife again!
Man:
– I have already explained once that we are having sex this way.
Policeman:
– It is written here that you have broken all her teeth!
Man:
– I prefer safe oral sex.