Nowadays, we hear conversations about sexuality more and more often and openly in society. And this is by no means a bad thing, on the contrary, such a trend should be evaluated positively, because it allows us to absorb new and useful information that can improve sexual relations or help prevent problems related to sexuality. However, we often forget that there are also people who are not interested in sex at all. Studies show that 1% to 4% of people in the world are asexual. In this article, we will try to understand what exactly asexuality is, how to identify it, and what to do if you think you are asexual?
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is essentially the absence of sexual desire. But, people do not always feel it absolutely. For some, asexuality can develop in a lighter form, or appear only at times, in certain periods of time. The debate about whether asexuality can be called a sexual orientation still exists, however, most professionals agree that asexuality is also an orientation. It is important to understand that it has nothing to do with celibacy, trauma, maintaining virginity, or moral standing. An asexual person does not decide by himself that at some point he will give up sexual relations, it happens completely naturally. In addition, asexual people can have romantic feelings, they can form an emotional connection with another, they can form successful relationships. The only difference is that sex is not something they need and complement their partnership.
How to understand if you are asexual?
There is no one specific way to define being asexual. To understand this, you have to listen to yourself. The first signs of asexuality can be observed in adolescence, when you notice that your peers are experiencing their first sexual feelings, but you are not. Then follows a period when a person starts to think – maybe the right time has not yet come, maybe you haven’t met the right person yet. If you are also familiar with such feelings, you should think about whether you have ever considered someone sexy, experienced sexual cravings, how you feel when talking about sex, and whether the sexual act itself seems self-evident, or – on the contrary – completely uninteresting. These are the main questions that, if you answer honestly, you will be able to understand if you are characterized by asexuality.
Not wanting sex is not the same as asexuality
Another important thing to consider is that not wanting sex does not necessarily mean asexuality. A number of conditions can be responsible for low libido, such as drug side effects, medical conditions, stress, bad relationships, body dysmorphic disorder, gender diffusion, hormonal changes, trauma, and so on. Often in such cases, people refuse sexual contact not because they don’t want to, but because they experience unpleasant feelings, discomfort during it (for example, vaginal dryness or burning sensations). In such situations, it is recommended to use some aids, such as lubricant. Therefore, not wanting sex after certain life events does not necessarily mean that you are asexual. In these cases, it is recommended to seek help, especially if you realize that you have really enjoyed sex before, and only recently the interest has decreased.
The spectrum of asexuality
Asexuality cannot be characterized in only one way, it has many manifestations and its definitions tend to differ. Asexual people can fall in love, feel the need for a partnership. But there are also people who do not need sexual relations or cohabitation at all. It’s true – people can be called asexual even when sexual desire is experienced extremely rarely. There is also desexuality – it exists somewhere in the middle between asexuality and sexuality; that is, sexual desires are experienced only as a result of strong emotional experiences. As you can see, all these definitions are really confusing, so it’s important to listen to yourself.
What causes asexuality?
Asexuality is not a mental health condition, so it does not have a list of symptoms or reasons for having it. For this reason, it is impossible to clearly say what causes it – it should rather be seen as a person’s sexual orientation. It should be noted that asexual people have not necessarily been sexually assaulted or experienced any other sex-related emotional trauma. Also, if you experience a decrease in libido, it does not necessarily mean that you are doomed to loneliness. Intimacy can also be created through a close emotional connection, engaging in a joint activity, talking about interesting topics or during physical contact. However, if you feel unhappy or realize that certain of your needs are being ignored, you can also seek help from a psychotherapist to better understand yourself, your wants and needs.
Relationships – how to create them?
As mentioned earlier, asexual people can be in relationship based on attraction, even though it is not sexual attraction. Nowadays, there are even asexual communities where people can talk openly, help each other or share their experiences. It is no secret that people often find their other half in these places. Like-minded people meet, so mutual communication develops very easily, there are no unpleasant moments when the desires of one or the other partner remain unsatisfied. It should also be understood that asexual people can also have children – they simply use intercourse for the purpose of creating a family.
We hope this article helped you get to know asexuality. It is definitely not a doom, because as we have already found out – asexual people can really enjoy life and feel happy – just like everyone else!