Back in 1894, Ruth Smythers, Reverend Clergyman L.D. Smithers’ beloved wife, posted these little findings on how to navigate the complicated world of sex. Aside from the assumption that sex is terribly annoying and that women don’t like it at all, things haven’t changed as drastically as you might think. Here’s sex advice from a clergyman’s wife.
1. Men used to like sex too. SHOCKER.
“Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly. Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day.”
2. Headaches have always been a good excuse
“Imagined illnesses, sleepiness, and headaches are among a woman’s best friends in this matter.”
3. Make-up sex was not an option back then
“Arguing, teasing and scolding also prove to be very effective in dissuading a man from having sex when used late at night.”
4. The doggy style was considered abnormal
“Most men are quite perverted by nature and if given they would engage in all sorts of the most depraved activities. These practices include, but are not limited to: performing ordinary actions in extraordinary positions; kissing a woman’s body and offers to kiss their own vile bodies.”
5. Porn in 1894? Well, yuck…
“Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, looking at photographs and drawings that depict or suggest sex are unpleasant habits that a man is likely to engage in if he is allowed to do so.”
6. Darkness is your friend
“Sex, if it cannot be prevented, should be done only in complete darkness. You must let him find you in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and suffer some minor injury that she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.”
7. Who needs that foreplay
“If he tries to kiss her on the lips, she has to turn her head slightly so that the kiss lands harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he tries to kiss her hand, she should make a fist.”
8. Falling asleep right after sex is nothing new
“Many men derive most of their sexual satisfaction from a peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act ends.”
9. If in doubt, fake a bladder weakness
“If he lifts her dress and tries to kiss her anywhere else, she should quickly pull her dress back into place, jump out of bed and announce that nature calls.”