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My Tinder Fail and Other Millennial Horror Stories

I think Tinder is useful, especially if you’re single and have nothing to lose anyway. But on the other hand, you’re rarely a winner, you’re just wasting your time and, even more, paying for it all! Welcome to the disastrous dating world called Tinder…

Dating apps have a lot of positives – there’s no denying that – but they can become a potential horror movie. After all, very often people’s real faces in social networks inexplicably disappear under three, four Instagram filters.

A common Tinder scenario

“You’ve been waiting for hours. You have used up so many megabytes of internet. He is so interesting, so intellectual, so… unadulterated. Soon after the chatting ends, the fateful meeting follows…

You come to the cafe, order a double macchiato and a couple of donuts (you can relax today!). You think that he has chosen the perfect place for the date… You look around and think that you just arrived a little too early. As you continue to look around, you choose the most intimate place, because after all, he could be your CHOSEN ONE. You dream of walking in the park after drinking coffee, and when you get cold, he will lend you his jacket because “… it’s chilly tonight”. Your fantasies are in full swing, until a guy sitting at the next table opens up to you, reading Paulo Coelho. He smiles and waves, gets up from the table and walks over to you. “Who the hell are you?” the thought pops into your head, but before you can say it out loud, he introduces himself. No, no, no! It can’t be him! Your chosen one has significantly more hair on his head (and significantly less in his ears). And where is his super sexy beard? By the way, he would never read Coelho. “I like to keep my privacy on social media,” he explains, “but I don’t look completely different than I do in photos, do I? In any case, our bond is more than just an image.” He grabs your hand… OH GOD HELP ME!”

The last time I went on a date was… not so long ago

“So sweet! Such great manners, high class! I love it… What about you… I adore it! By the way, he did not make a single spelling mistake during the entire chat. Well, how can you not fall in love? No… it’s too early. Such a mature, educated… These types are rare… Like a real gentleman offers to pick me up from work. Kind of an oldschool move, but, well, ok… Since I don’t want my co-workers to see that I’m seeing someone, I set up a meeting at a store a few blocks away. He states that he drives a black BMW. Christian Grey, is that you? After a few minutes, I notice a car a few meters away. He opens the door. Whait, is it really him? He picks up the phone, dials a number. My phone starts vibrating in my pocket. No way! It really is him! He is known to drive a BMW… Maybe this car is a 70th birthday present from his grandchildren?! And it wasn’t just a faded photo filter, as the photo itself was taken no later than 1965. I turn off the phone. I’m sorry, but it’s one thing to voluntarily decide to date someone who is much older, and it’s quite another to lie looking into your eyes (or the phone).”

Hello my dear Tinder date

“As soon as you get a taste of real life, the ‘admirers’ soon appear. A party on the beach in Ibiza with a beauty you met a couple of months ago, a casual date at the cinema with a bartender from Paris, a hot trip with a Venezuelan beauty… Tinder is just for fun. Just like that. Because it’s so simple, and you’re open to anything – even a threesome, if you happen to meet a nice couple. Suddenly you bump into a girl just 5 km away – in the same city. Don’t want anything serious, but it’s nice to feel someone close. You send her a message. To your surprise, the first conversation is not boring and clichéd. What a relief! Days pass and you continue the chatting. She is sweet, very sweet, and there is nothing else to do but give into her charm. Wait, her favorite movie is The Notebook? It’s destiny. And she hates that stupid avocado worship obsession? She is PER-FECT. Talks are taking a long time, I must meet this fallen angel immediately! OMG, she even picked your favorite bar for a first date! You’re on time, but damn! Your ex is there having a drink, so you decide to wait closer to the exit to suggest your date to go somewhere else. Time is running out, it’s getting late. The ex sees you and greets you as she passes. It’s been a century since you last spoke… You return the greeting, hoping she won’t take too long… You don’t mention to her that you’re on a date. Oh no, but she already knows. Of course he knows. “She won’t come,” she says like a prophet. What?? “She won’t come because I made her up.” EARTH, OPEN UP!”

How to survive all this with dignity?

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about these types of people. No matter how hard you analyze a person’s Tinder profile, it is very difficult to see the dark side of a person. By the way, even you yourself are not 100% honest on the internet. Would you agree – you always take only the best photos and emphasize only your best features? It’s not bad if you don’t overdo it.

Tinder becomes a problem when faced with extreme situations, such as an ex-partner who pretends to be someone else to get revenge on you, or someone who hides their real age or deceives with fake photos.

The secret to getting more good Tinder dates?

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