For threesome you need to create the right conditions, because when three people are involved in an intimate relationship, there are many variables. After all, we often hear about cases where sexual relations between three people have ended in fiasco. But there are also people in strong, happy relationships who decide to invite one more person into their bedroom and there is no problem. Some people would just like to try this activity at least once in their life, while for some it becomes a way of life and they interact with other people on a regular basis.
If you and your partner are considering such an idea, it’s worth asking yourself and your partner why you want it. If you want to try a threesome as a shared adventure and a nice addition to your relationship, then it could turn out to be a fun and rewarding experience for both of you.
However, it’s a definite red flag if you are motivated by your partner who is not sexually satisfied, or if one of you has strong feelings for a particular third party that is preferred over your partner.
Either way, be honest with yourself and each other. Communication is always important in a relationship, but when it comes to threesomes, foursomes, or even more people, communication is the most important thing! Think seriously about jealousy. Would you really like to see your partner with another person without feeling jealous? Even if it seems like you can handle this feeling now, it can be much more difficult later. Everyone is different and some of us just aren’t and won’t be ready to share our partner.
It probably doesn’t even need to be reminded that talking and fantasizing about sex with other people is often quite different from reality.
To get more comfortable, you can first tell your partner about your fantasy and then see how it affects your sex life. You can talk about it with your partner in bed and try to imagine it together or just watch appropriate adult movies. It’s worth checking out if such an adventure would turn you both on equally. Perhaps fantasies alone will give satisfaction, or such conversations will encourage you to take a further step.
Can you look for the ‘third’ among friends?
Once you’ve decided you want to try threesomes, you’ll need to figure out who to invite. Finding a third party is often more difficult than you might imagine, and it is also important to consider the third party’s feelings. Some more experienced people recommend avoiding friends and acquaintances. This does not mean that it is forbidden to have threesome with friends: in this case, at least you will know what partners he/she has had relations with, although it is still extremely important not to forget about protective measures.
When considering a friend, you should consider how it might affect your friendship in the long run. Also consider whether they will be able to maintain discretion if you ask them to? Keep in mind that awkward moments are also possible: in three months, will you be able to maintain a conversation with your friend without thinking about the look on their face during sex?
What about strangers?
If you decide to have this intimate adventure with a handsome stranger, like someone you found online, it’s a good idea to go to a bar together first to make sure there’s mutual attraction. If you don’t like them, be honest with both the third party and your partner: don’t do what you don’t like.
Before you begin, discuss sexual boundaries with your partner and define exactly who can do what (and with whom). It is also important to discuss these issues with the person you plan to have sex with.
This will help avoid misunderstandings. Agree with your partner on a safety word or other signal so you can stop if either of you feels uncomfortable or doesn’t want to continue.
After the adventure, take time to talk with your partner. Did you both get what you expected? If not, talk about how to move past the experience so it doesn’t cause psychological damage. However, if you both enjoyed it and want to do it again, there’s no reason not to.