First dates can be a lot of fun, but they can also be incredibly awkward – especially if you haven’t been on one in a while. Stress can make it difficult to make a good first impression. Luckily, we’ve got you covered with ideas for questions to ask on a first date. They will help the first date go as smoothly as possible, so you can focus on having fun and getting to know the person sitting next to you.
The first date should be “testing the waters” and mostly asking down-to-earth questions. If you decide to ask a more personal question, it’s important to watch the other person’s body language and move on to another topic if the discussion becomes uncomfortable.
Remember that a first date is not about deciding whether or not you’ll be with this person forever, and the topics discussed during that first date should reflect that.
1. How are you feeling tonight?
The key to a successful first date is two people who are both willing to engage in open and curious conversation, as opposed to a series of questions that feel more like an interview than the first chapter of a love story. If you choose to ask the question “how are you tonight (or in general)?”, there is hope that it will be enough to start a conversation that will continue for a long time. Even though it’s a simple question, sometimes it leads to the best follow-up.
2. What makes you happy?
The healthiest relationships are those formed by two people who know how to light their own fire. You will definitely want to see a person next to you who can talk passionately about topics that inspires them.
3. How do you like to spend your free time?
This gives your date an opportunity to share with you their interests, what they find exciting, what they favorite activities are. This question is also a great way to find out what you might have in common with this person.
4. What bands, performers would you like to see live?
This is a really easy and fun question to ask on a first date, especially if the other person has mentioned in their dating app profile that they like music.
5. What do you do at your work?
If their job title is listed on their dating profile, you can ask them to tell you more about their job. Questions like these are effective on a first date because they’re like icebreakers without being too ‘heavy’.
6. What is the best book you have read lately?
If you’re worried that the conversation might be too stressful, you can always ask about their favorite books, podcasts, music or food. Even if they don’t have a good answer to give you, most people will answer this question anyway.
7. What movies have you seen lately?
Dates should be “easy” and “chill”. Usually, the first date is a way to see if there is chemistry between you. It shouldn’t be too stressful, so the questions shouldn’t be too serious either. You wouldn’t want to feel like you’re in a therapist’s office on a first date. So focus on a few favorite movies that you might have in common. And what if one or both of you haven’t seen anything new lately? Then it will be a perfect idea for a second date.
8. What is the best meal you have eaten this year?
Use the first date to see if you’re having fun together and if you’re comfortable (as comfortable as you can be on a first date), if there’s something to laugh about, and if conversation flows easily. Recalling a delicious meal is an easy way to ease your nerves.
9. What is on your bucket list?
This is a fun question. If your date plans to travel to Peru anytime soon, chances are this relationship isn’t gonna work. If your life goals are quite the opposite, it’s better to find out that sooner rather than later. Asking this question will give you a better understanding of your compatibility in a more discursive way that won’t make them feel uncomfortable.
10. What do you want from life?
This is another way of phrasing “What kind of relationship are you looking for?” question without asking directly, which may seem like too intense a question for a first date. And once again – if your views do not coincide, then you will already know on the first date that you should not waste time on the second and third. Although this can be a difficult question for a first date, it is important to get a sense of whether you are on the same path.
11. How would you describe your perfect day?
It can help you understand what the other person likes to do for fun. What does they like to do when they are not working, and would you like to be a part of it?
12. If we had met 10 years ago or met 10 years in the future, do you think we would klick?
Asking questions can also be part of flirting. This question gives you an opportunity to both talk about whether you like each other and to flirt in a subtle way. If you like this person, it’s good to mention it on the first date to help create a spark and make the other person even more excited to want to see you again.
13. How is your relationship with your parents?
What this question is really asking is, “What do you know about love? What expressions of love have you seen in your life?” This will give you a lot of information about this person. Of course, keep in mind that people who didn’t or don’t have a good relationship with their parents can still make wonderful partners. Interrogating can make the conversation awkward, forced, and uncomfortable, so be careful when delving into such topics.
14. Do you still have a good relationship with your childhood friends?
This question provides information about his ability to form long-term relationships. Does he/she keep in touch with people? Can your date maintain long-term relationships with friends?
What questions not to ask on a first date?
1. Why aren’t you in a relationship?
The classic question – “You are so beautiful. Why are you alone?” – is not a compliment! A conversation about their single life can lead to a conversation about past relationships, which can be too intense a topic for a first date. Especially if the other person has gone through a hard, painful breakup or lost their partner. If such a question does arise, reformulate the answers by focusing on what you have learned from past relationships. Perhaps the breakup gave you clarity about what you really needed to be happy in a relationship. Even in the case of loss, you can tell the other person how this relationship was important to you and how it shapes what you are looking for in your future relationship.
2. How long have you been using Tinder (or another dating app/service)?
If they use one or more dating apps to meet people, avoid asking this question on the first date. You probably wouldn’t want to be asked this question either!
3. Would you ever like to have children?
This is the famous question you should NEVER ask on a first date (and not on a second or third one, either). Men hear this question as “Would you like to have children WITH ME?”. It scares them.
4. Do you think your parents will like me?
NO to this question either. Too soon for a first date. I know people who have been asked this question and each one has said that it has made them very uncomfortable. Meeting your parents usually happens much later in a relationship, so it’s more important to focus on getting to know each other right now.
5. What kind of relationship are you looking for?
People ask this a lot, but it’s pointless! Dating is not an online store wish list. You don’t have to tick all the boxes. One moment it may seem that this person is perfect, but the next moment you realize that the feelings are the opposite.
On the other hand, this question can also be useful if you want to find out from the very beginning whether this person matches your lifestyle and values.